Reflections Through iTunes Shuffle

My last post was August 11th. Its been...a while. Overall I can't complain on how things have been. Days come and go, most of the time its the same stuff, just different days...everything revolves around what is going on in the Corps. I have been trying to get things done all day, and during that time I have had a lot of time to think...hence I decided I would post a new blog for my avid readers :)

*********************************************

Now all those feelings,
Those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
But today I've wasted away for today is on my mind

Left the only worries I had in my hands
Away from the light in my eyes
Holding tight and try not to hide how i feel

Cuz Feelings mean nothing ('Yesterday's Feelings', The Used)

FOW came and went. It was a bigger transition that I thought it would be. We met the fish. Several of them cried. As of now we've had five quit, leaving twenty six. Honestly, we have the best fish in the band. I have a great deal of respect for all of them that are still here, and even for those that are no longer part of B Co. A lot of my buddies however differ in their views of the fish and their views on training the fish. Like last year, I am still learning and I have learned a lot through being a direct trainer/ example to/for the fish. The Corps has its flaws. A lot of them.

Is it worth it? Definitely.

Is it a waste of time? Sometimes.

Why do I do it? I wonder sometimes. For my buddies maybe....for me...leadership? Honor? Notice the question marks after most of those. Buddies is probably the biggest reason I am still in the Corps. I will never meet a group of people as amazing as them. They are my family away from my family. I enjoy being a sophomore (a pisshead) because I'm not a fish. I hate being an ass. I wish there was a way I could do my job and not be criticized for my approach. I train different from the other sophomores....I'm not as intense...but I think I am effective. One of the fish who quit told me and one of my buddies that he had the most respect for me. This is why I do what I do. I am doing my job! This is something the fish see, but not upperclassmen. For this reason I think I will be overlooked when it comes to choosing positions within the outfit for next year. I've been considering going to Corps Staff or even Band Staff for next year. I love the Corps, I really do, but it has lost so much respect by many. Its not what it is supposed to be. I think on the Corps level I could help change things that should be changed...same with on the band level. The band is crazy...I have been hanging out with a lot of people who are not in the band and talking with them. I see why they think the band is crazy. The band does a lot of things when it comes to training that are ridiculous and pointless. And then we wonder why we don't compete when it comes to grades....hmmm. I am currently working on my 1st Sergeant application. I don't expect to get it; but several of my buddies want me to apply. Honestly, there are only two people in my class that I would like to see as 1st Sergeant. They think like me. I think the end results of the outift are important. I think the future of the outfit is important. Are others thinking of these things? Are others thinking of change? If so, why is it just the outfit level? Anyway...enough bitching. I swear, I am in a good mood :) All I can say is that I am excited about being a Junior. Then I can finally be me, and not a pisshead. :..

*********************************************

You must not know about me,
You must not know about me.
I could have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin,
You're irreplaceable ('Irreplaceable', Beyonce)


Relationships. I had one over the summer. Amazing. It really was. It ended in mid September, on semi bad terms. Okay, my mood may be changing soon. It was determined during the summer that I was going to be busy. The Corps is my life, and on top of that I also go to college, meaning I take classes. I am also in the band. I get up before 5 am every day. All of this was established before the relationship was. So, why is it that all of a sudden it was a big surprise that I was always busy. I am sorry about that, I really am, but after a while you really got on my nerves. I didn't want to be with you anymore. The feelings I had for you were gone. My priroties became the Corps, school, my organizations, you. I got home late, I went to sleep late. I just didn't have time. I am sorry you didn't understand. This is why it ended. Then...we decide to go out one night, possibly to see if maybe we could get back together, try to work something out. We both knew the purpose of going out that night was to try to work things out. And you make out with someone else in front of me and later tell me it was to make me jealous. If you liked me as much as you said you did...hell you said you loved me (even though I never once said it back)...no matter what, you would have never done that. Yea I was fucking jealous. I wanted to kick his ass. He wasn't that big anyway. I was pissed. And not only was I pissed about that, but we didn't go out alone. We went with your friends and one of my friends. They knew we were sort of together, and you pull that shit. That shit = immaturity on your part and a lack of respect by not only me but everyone around you. Congratulations. You meant a lot to me. The times we spent together were pretty amazing. But you ruined it. Then you still call me for like three weeks on a daily basis still wanting to get back together. "You must not know about me...." You wondered why it was so easy for me to move on. I was tired of you long before that night. I didn't want to be an ass though, and I did see the possibility of another chance. You confirmed what I usually believe. If I don't think someone deserves a second chance, they probably don't.

My wish, for you,
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish ('My Wish', Rascal Flatts)


Above: my feelings after the break up.

Now: my feelings in the present. I hope you are doing well. I wish you the best. Maybe one day we can catch up. I hope you had a good birthday too. That is all :)

*********************************************

When you love someone - you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon, Put out the sun
When you love someone

You'll deny the truth - Believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe you could really fly
But your lonely nights - have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone - You'll feel it deep inside
And nothin else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone... ('When You Love Somone', Bryan Adams)

I admit, I am a little depressed now. (just a little though) What the hell is love? Will I ever find it? I see it all around me and I compare myself. Will I ever find someone...that someone who makes me feel like that? I was talking to one of my buddies the other day about this...(thanks Tyler, lol) and I told him that I don't think I will ever get married. I want to have like five boys but raise them myself. Reasoning: those that know me well know that I am very independent, somewhat forceful in my beliefs. This may sound ridiculous but I don't know if I will ever find someone that I trust enough to raise my kids the way I want them to be raised. What will they tell them when I am not there? I don't want my kids brainwashed by some crazy person....not that my spouse will be crazy, but you never know. It scares me sometimes to think that I am so weird that I will never experience true love. So many people say that know what love is, but do they? In my opinion love is like self actualizaton. Something so amazing...yet so farfetched. Overrated? Maybe. Lol. I do want to fall in love....I just don't see it happening....unless you are Desiree Padron, of course :)

*********************************************

Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while
So I don't know what to say but
Lord I feel so small some times in this big ol' place
Yeah I know there are more important things, but
Don't forget to remember me
Don't forget to remember me ('Don't Forget to Remember Me', Carrie Underwood)

So, I saw my family for Thanksgiving. We went over to a cousins hous and it was awesome. Thinking about them makes me wonder about a lot of things. I know they struggle through a lot. Money sucks, as always. And here I am, living the life in College Station...or something like that. The thought of quitting college and moving back home to help them out has crossed my mind several times...that would be stupid though. Where would I work? Construction? As a waiter? Yea right. College is what I am supposed to be doing, even though sometimes I feel really selfish being here. Also, my sister is a senior; my brother a freshman. I am missing out on so much. I feel like I barely know them. They mean the world to me, and I rarely talk to them. That's pathetic. I am going home for Christmas break in three weeks, so that'll be good for me. I am also planning on spending the summer in Paradise, working and taking classes. I've been looking at internships though...I dunno yet. Is that selfish? I just don't know....

Some pics from the Day of Thanks:



Me, my uncle and aunt. Amazing parents and people.



My Grandma and I. I love her like no other.



My brother, sister and I. These kids are awesome.



Tony and Stacy again.Tony is a Tech fan so it makes me angry.



Me and my cuz Maria.



Me and my cousin Cristina....see its not that bad of a pic :)



My new baby cousin Pablo, or LIL P!

*********************************************

Dear son, I know I ain't written
But sittin' here tonight
Alone in the kitchen
It occurs to me
I might not have said this
So I'll say it now
Son you make me proud ('Letters From Home', John Michael Montgomery)

This used to be one of my favorite songs. It always got me so excited and motivated about joining the Marine Corps. I've gone back and forth about joining or not....well I'm not. My knees are way too messed up. I am on the Corps marathon team (I am running a marathon in January in Houston) and after training for a few weeks, my knees started bothering me again. I was pretty mad and upset. I was in the middle of my Marine Corps contract as well. I know other doors will open, but I was just really motivated and excited about being an officer. Oh well. 'This too will pass.'

*********************************************

Pressure, pushing down on me
Pressing down on you, no man ask for
Under pressure, that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets ('Under Pressure', Queen)

Now its time to PUMP UP THE JAM!! Or not....Aggie Football is just something I could not pass up talking about. Our season:

1. The Citadel...we won 35-3.

2. Louisiana Lafayette...another win, 51-7.

3. Army in San Antonio....close game, we won 28-24.

4. Louisiana Tech...another win for the Ags, 45-14.

5. Texas Tech...our first loss, and a depressing one. 27-31. I hate Texas Tech and everything to do with them or Lubbock, Texas, the STD capital of the world. I hate them more than I hate UT. Yea, I said it.

6. Kansas, at Kansas....a win. 21-18.

7. Missouri, another win and a good game. 25-19.

8. Oklahoma State at OSU...another away victory for the Aggies! 34-33. Way too close of a game. Especially for it being against OSU.

9. Baylor at Baylor. We were away, so we won :) Score 31-21. Suck on that Bears.

10. OU. 16-17 loss. Depressing. And it was to OU. O who? Yea...

11. Nebraska. Our second loss in row. 27-28. And both games by only one point, making our combined points we lost by a mere 6 points. Talk crap about Aggie football I will talk crap about you.

12. UT in Austin. I am sure the world has heard....WE KICKED SOME ASS!! A&M beat UT for the first time since 1999 and the 8th time in Austin ever, 12-7. If we were picked to win, or if we beat UT on a normal occasion it would'nt be a big deal, but we don't so it is and will remain a big deal until something else AWESOME happens, like me getting nominated to be Secretary of Defense or something, you know like our university President. Yea, is your University Prez gonna be Sec. of Defense...didn't think so! Everyone always talks crap about A&M. Well now its my turn....and I pick UT.

As I said earlier, I hate Tech more than UT, but the fans yesterday were so rude to us. (Tech fans even more, but I feel the occasion is right to trash talk UT)

First of all, I think its pretty sad that because we have a huge jumbotron, they feel the need to build one bigger. Well its only bigger in length not width. I know, that counts as 'bigger' but its not better. On the subject of how 'size matters,' Texas A&M has had the biggest football venue in Texas for some time now...well guess who is upset about that. You guessed it, the Horns. Well news for you queers...we're building ours too, so just because you will have the title for a bit, we're gonna get it back.

Overall the football game experience at UT was fun, but not as fun as Kyle Field. Kyle Field definitely lives up to its name and anyone who has been to a game there can agree.

I went to Midnight Yell at the steps of the capital surprised to find a large crowd of UT fans doing their own little pep rally thing. I thought it was a tradition, but come to find out, those people had nothing better to do but to come and try to ruin our yell. Punks.

And whats up with the band? I love watching the Texas band. Last year they even had an awesome show. This year was not impressive. And is all they know is one cadence? I know the Aggie Band isn't much of a cadence driven band, but we don't play it constantly, even while their team is on offense.

And whats up with booing your own player when he's hurt. Thats shows the world UT.

And for the good part...pictures collected from the trip to Austin :)



You suck Horns!



Seriously, do I need to trash talk, or does it explain itself? I stole this pic from Sarah because it goes well with my mood. Austin is a fun town...bigger than CS....but just strange...in the words of Sarah Childs, 'not my cup of tea.'



Another weird pic...a random Ronald McDonald statue chillin in front of a random building....wow.



Only at UT is "Crocs" a sponsor.



Longhorn fans tailgating in a parking garage....they're so cool.....trash.



This guy is confused....A&M cap, UT sweater. hmmm...he probably took off the sweater :) Gig 'EM Ags!!



This is a cool thing the band did before the game with the Texas Flag and all...I was impressed until....



Yea, that is a picture of UT ROTC. (the guys in the long sleeve white) And yea, notice the flag being wadded up and notice it halfway on the ground. Double Trash.



You can't really tell, but they are shoving the flag in a bag. Is my trash talking justified...I think so.





I thought this was hilarious. Near the end of the game they put people in front of the Aggie section so we wouldn't get onto the field when we won. Notice its a 14-16 year old girl and like an 11 year old boy, along with women aged 40-50 (the lady in the blue behind the yell leader) in the picture above this one. When I saw them I knew there was no getting past.



2:32 left in the game. All that happened after this was the quarterback got hurt again. (the Horns booed) and we intercepted the ball....again :)

OKay, okay, enough bad mouthing. They are an excellent school. Yesterday only served as yet another confirmation that I am where I am supposed to be. I am proud to be an Aggie, today more than ever.

*********************************************
There are times in life when you gotta crawl
Lose your grip, trip an' fall
When you can't lean on no-one else
That's when you find yourself
I've been around an' I've noticed that
Walkin's easier when the road is flat
Them danged ol' hills'll get you every time
Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains
So we could learn how to climb. ('Mountains', Lonestar)

To end and sort of wrap this novel up, I put a excerpt from this song. I heard it for the first time on the way back to College Statio yesterday. It really made me reflect, and was a big reason why I decided to post. Things are only gonna get harder. Finals are coming up. I am struggling in my favorite class....talk about irony. But thats why we have mountains...so we can learn how to climb. Until next time, God Bless and as always: GIG 'EM!!

*********************************************

You Know You're a 90's Kid If...

Body: Anybody under the age of 16 will not get this. Just because u were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons.

You know you're a 90's kid if...


You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"

You've worn skorts and felt stylish

You yearned to be part of the Baby-Sitters club

You use to love playing with your MY Little Pet Shop

You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You wore a ponytail on the side of your head and had fluffed bangs

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"

You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.

You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates

You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide

You wore socks over leggings scrunched down

" Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE"
he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stumbed he's toe oe oe and thats the end end end of the elephants show ow ow

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"

You remember Alf, the little brown alien from Melmac and Vicki the Robot from "MY Little Wonder"

You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

You played and or collected "Pogs"

You used to pretend to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN Power Ranger and you owned a Skip It

You had at least one GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)

You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.

You remember a time before the WB.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You thought it would be so cool to be Alex Mack.

You know the Macarena by heart.. LOL

" Talk to the hand" ... enough said

You thought Brain woud finally take over the world