I decided to move my blog, yet again.
You can find it at http://adhernandez.wordpress.com
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
War Torn
**Disclaimer: this is a really depressing entry. I am okay, but just recounting on a dream I recently had. It has been weighing down on my mind lately, as I would imagine it would for anyone who has experienced something similar.**
I woke up freezing. I had kicked my blankets away, my heart was racing, and I was sweating. It had been a while since I’d had a dream like that. They don’t come around often but when they do, they stay with me for days, sometimes weeks. It was the second night in my new place. I don’t believe that being in a new place is the reason for my bad dream especially since it wasn’t my first nightmare. When I think about it now I get a knot in my stomach. Never have I felt so close to an experience like this one; a dream so vivid that after it was over I was not sure if I would return there once I fell back asleep.
It is always hard to retell dreams because none of it ends up making sense. I remember my first Marine recruiter being there. I remember a few people from my unit. I remember being complacent with the fact that I was being sent overseas. I had received orders to go to war and was ready to go. I don’t quite remember if I was heading to Afghanistan or Iraq, but in my dream there was a lot desert. That doesn’t define one thing or the other, but I remember thinking about my fellowship, and wondering what had happened to it. I remember thinking of my DC home and wondering where all that had went. I remember wondering what happened to everything I had developed in the short time I had been in DC and why it was so easy for me to leave. Everything in between is a blur. I don’t remember much else but being under a tent with several other guys. All of a sudden a group of guys with turpins started shooting at us from around the corner. It seemed to be as close as ten feet away. I remember grabbing my gun, starting to shoot, and falling to the ground. I was shot, and remember thinking how I didn’t feel anything, but I was bleeding. I fell, closed my eyes, and that was it. I looked to see myself lying on the ground, lifeless. If you have never had a dream about dying, it is a scary experience. I’m sure I even cried in my sleep, especially after seeing my buddies, my family, and friends as if I was watching them mourn from above. It was weird watching people react to the news of my death. I remember thinking if this was real, but there was nothing to prove otherwise. I had become another casualty of the war overseas.
I looked up the interpretation of my dream. I was at war and I saw myself die. From Dream Dictionary:
To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually mean that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes do not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying.
Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.
To dream of a war, signifies disorder and chaos in your waking life. You are experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle which is tearing you up inside. Alternatively, the dream also indicates that you are being overly aggressive or that you are not being assertive enough. Perhaps you need to be prepared to put up a fight in some area of your life. On a more direct level, the dream may be reflection of current wars around the world.
I would definitely agree that I am dealing with some inner struggles. Then at the same time my brother just got assigned to his first unit in 29 Palms, set to deploy sometime at the end of this year. Everything with the Marine Corps is very current and constantly on my mind. And the more I consider my life after this fellowship the more I see the Marine Corps as being my number one and most appealing option as to what I want be doing next. The idea of going overseas is not something that is farfetched, but something that is very real, very near, and somewhat attractive.
The idea of dying is something that I feel like I have come to terms with. Again – a very real event that I have no control over, but something that everyone deals with at least one time in his or her life. If it’s to happen overseas or domestically I am very happy with the life I have lived. I have committed it and lived a life for others. While there is still a lot that I want to do and accomplish I have to be satisfied in knowing that I have not regretted any choice I have made with my life. I am scared to death over something that may not even be happening. But this dream made it even more accessible, which I would say isn’t a good thing for my thought process.
I woke up freezing. I had kicked my blankets away, my heart was racing, and I was sweating. It had been a while since I’d had a dream like that. They don’t come around often but when they do, they stay with me for days, sometimes weeks. It was the second night in my new place. I don’t believe that being in a new place is the reason for my bad dream especially since it wasn’t my first nightmare. When I think about it now I get a knot in my stomach. Never have I felt so close to an experience like this one; a dream so vivid that after it was over I was not sure if I would return there once I fell back asleep.
It is always hard to retell dreams because none of it ends up making sense. I remember my first Marine recruiter being there. I remember a few people from my unit. I remember being complacent with the fact that I was being sent overseas. I had received orders to go to war and was ready to go. I don’t quite remember if I was heading to Afghanistan or Iraq, but in my dream there was a lot desert. That doesn’t define one thing or the other, but I remember thinking about my fellowship, and wondering what had happened to it. I remember thinking of my DC home and wondering where all that had went. I remember wondering what happened to everything I had developed in the short time I had been in DC and why it was so easy for me to leave. Everything in between is a blur. I don’t remember much else but being under a tent with several other guys. All of a sudden a group of guys with turpins started shooting at us from around the corner. It seemed to be as close as ten feet away. I remember grabbing my gun, starting to shoot, and falling to the ground. I was shot, and remember thinking how I didn’t feel anything, but I was bleeding. I fell, closed my eyes, and that was it. I looked to see myself lying on the ground, lifeless. If you have never had a dream about dying, it is a scary experience. I’m sure I even cried in my sleep, especially after seeing my buddies, my family, and friends as if I was watching them mourn from above. It was weird watching people react to the news of my death. I remember thinking if this was real, but there was nothing to prove otherwise. I had become another casualty of the war overseas.
I looked up the interpretation of my dream. I was at war and I saw myself die. From Dream Dictionary:
To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually mean that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes do not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying.
Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.
To dream of a war, signifies disorder and chaos in your waking life. You are experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle which is tearing you up inside. Alternatively, the dream also indicates that you are being overly aggressive or that you are not being assertive enough. Perhaps you need to be prepared to put up a fight in some area of your life. On a more direct level, the dream may be reflection of current wars around the world.
I would definitely agree that I am dealing with some inner struggles. Then at the same time my brother just got assigned to his first unit in 29 Palms, set to deploy sometime at the end of this year. Everything with the Marine Corps is very current and constantly on my mind. And the more I consider my life after this fellowship the more I see the Marine Corps as being my number one and most appealing option as to what I want be doing next. The idea of going overseas is not something that is farfetched, but something that is very real, very near, and somewhat attractive.
The idea of dying is something that I feel like I have come to terms with. Again – a very real event that I have no control over, but something that everyone deals with at least one time in his or her life. If it’s to happen overseas or domestically I am very happy with the life I have lived. I have committed it and lived a life for others. While there is still a lot that I want to do and accomplish I have to be satisfied in knowing that I have not regretted any choice I have made with my life. I am scared to death over something that may not even be happening. But this dream made it even more accessible, which I would say isn’t a good thing for my thought process.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
DC Exclusive
The days are going by quick. Work is busy and I am finally making some new friends around DC. As I’ve been telling everyone: the city is growing on me. I haven’t forgot about Texas and I still think about it everyday. Before I get called “Yankee” one more time, I just wanted to make that clear. ☺
One of the coolest things I have been able to experience is a run I went on last night. It has been a while since I have run so I had originally planned to run around the block a few times. I ran around the block, around Lincoln Park, and headed to the Capitol Building. I ran to the steps of the Capitol Building and then kept running. I went past the Library of Congress, past a few of the Smithsonian’s, all the way to the Washington Monument. Ran around some there, then turned around and came home. I mapped it out and it ended up being around eight miles, which isn’t bad for not having run in a while. As I was running, I just couldn’t help but be amazed in my surroundings. I mean, seriously. How blessed I am to be able to take a light jog around the neighborhood – Capitol Hill.
To those of you who take the time to read this, you have no idea how much it means to me. Writing is a way for me to vent, and truly express how I am feeling. Being out of college, it is so much easier to brainstorm and think and write all of those things down. This is something I really enjoy, and being able to share this with those of you who read and support me makes it that much better.
With more time, as thoughts come to mind I have begun to write them down more frequently. I am currently working on/thinking about several things. Here’s a sneak peak at some of the stuff I will be publishing in the near future:
“War Torn” – the retelling and analysis of a nightmare I had where I dreamed I was deployed overseas.
“What the Corps Doesn’t Prepare You For” – As I prepare to go back to College Station, Texas for Aggie Muster next month, I am recollecting on everything that has happened in year since I have left the Corps of Cadets.
“Not Another Aggie Blog” – A comparison of Texas A&M with the University of Texas. Of course I am biased, but I have always respected UT for the school that it is. I will present a different argument and prove why Texas A&M is the best school is the state of Texas.
“Danny’s DC Bucket List” – I’ve appreciated everyone’s suggestions on this. I am still compiling the final list (which I should hurry), but I will post it soon.
The main reason for this entry is to say thank you for everyone who keeps up with me, especially those of you who have read my entire blog. While that is crazy and maybe even a little bit creepy, I do appreciate it. Next blog should be up by the end of the week. Love you all, God Bless, and Gig ‘Em.
One of the coolest things I have been able to experience is a run I went on last night. It has been a while since I have run so I had originally planned to run around the block a few times. I ran around the block, around Lincoln Park, and headed to the Capitol Building. I ran to the steps of the Capitol Building and then kept running. I went past the Library of Congress, past a few of the Smithsonian’s, all the way to the Washington Monument. Ran around some there, then turned around and came home. I mapped it out and it ended up being around eight miles, which isn’t bad for not having run in a while. As I was running, I just couldn’t help but be amazed in my surroundings. I mean, seriously. How blessed I am to be able to take a light jog around the neighborhood – Capitol Hill.
To those of you who take the time to read this, you have no idea how much it means to me. Writing is a way for me to vent, and truly express how I am feeling. Being out of college, it is so much easier to brainstorm and think and write all of those things down. This is something I really enjoy, and being able to share this with those of you who read and support me makes it that much better.
With more time, as thoughts come to mind I have begun to write them down more frequently. I am currently working on/thinking about several things. Here’s a sneak peak at some of the stuff I will be publishing in the near future:
“War Torn” – the retelling and analysis of a nightmare I had where I dreamed I was deployed overseas.
“What the Corps Doesn’t Prepare You For” – As I prepare to go back to College Station, Texas for Aggie Muster next month, I am recollecting on everything that has happened in year since I have left the Corps of Cadets.
“Not Another Aggie Blog” – A comparison of Texas A&M with the University of Texas. Of course I am biased, but I have always respected UT for the school that it is. I will present a different argument and prove why Texas A&M is the best school is the state of Texas.
“Danny’s DC Bucket List” – I’ve appreciated everyone’s suggestions on this. I am still compiling the final list (which I should hurry), but I will post it soon.
The main reason for this entry is to say thank you for everyone who keeps up with me, especially those of you who have read my entire blog. While that is crazy and maybe even a little bit creepy, I do appreciate it. Next blog should be up by the end of the week. Love you all, God Bless, and Gig ‘Em.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Choosing Sides
Lately I have been spending a great amount of time on Twitter and Facebook, not only for your typical networking purposes, but actually for work. I’ve been reading a lot about how to use both of services as well as how to effectively market a non-profit organization. It has truly been a lot of fun, and I am very deep into my work.
Today as I was scrolling through some updates on Twitter I came across one from @equalityamerica that said: “Vatican Cardinal: Pro-Marriage Equality Advocates Are ’Not Catholics.’” I chuckled to myself, as I thought this was a bit absurd. I am very pro same-sex marriage, and at the same time I consider myself Catholic,… right? http://www.edgeboston.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=102515
I sat here thinking for a while about Catholicism and my connection to it. I’ve been on my own for a bit here in DC and have been attending mass regularly. I lived my entire life surrounded by the Catholic Church. I was baptized in the Catholic Church as a baby, I did my first Communion in the Church and I did my Confirmation in the Church. BUT – when I fall in love and meet the person I am supposed to marry I will either be 1) Not allowed to get married in the Catholic Church because of my choice of life partner or 2) Not get married in the Catholic Church because I would be considered a hypocrite for believing that every individual has the right to marry who they want. A comment on the story closely aligned to my sentiments:
“Only the Holy Father can speak for the whole Church, but if in fact he agrees with Caffarra, then no, you are not a Catholic. You either adhere to the teachings of your religion, or you get out. Nobody is going to excommunicate you because you’re only that important in your own mind, but if you take Communion while disobeying the Church, then you are a hypocrite, and you can answer for that however you choose.”
Key phrases: IF YOU TAKE COMMUNION and YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE. This makes sense to me. 100%. I am not naïve nor do I go along with popular belief. Thinking through it more I don’t believe I am truly Catholic, but instead believe that the Catholic Church provides me with a sense of comfort. Throughout my life, with everything I have been through, the Church has been there a sign that I was doing something right. It comforted me, it gave me hope, it taught me that the Lord is the truth and is life! These are still things I believe, but is this comfort a sign that I am simply Christian? Catholic? Or is there a difference? At this point in my life I feel like I should know the answer to this but I don’t. The more I think about it, I feel like I should be seeking truth in another religion that allows me to find a church that allows me to be comfortable with myself and not one that makes me feel like I am on a bus straight to hell because I wanted to be happy. It’s a clash of belief versus belief: the beliefs of the Catholic Church versus the beliefs of millions of others who believe that marriage and happiness is a HUMAN right. It’s about time I choose a side.
Today as I was scrolling through some updates on Twitter I came across one from @equalityamerica that said: “Vatican Cardinal: Pro-Marriage Equality Advocates Are ’Not Catholics.’” I chuckled to myself, as I thought this was a bit absurd. I am very pro same-sex marriage, and at the same time I consider myself Catholic,… right? http://www.edgeboston.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=102515
I sat here thinking for a while about Catholicism and my connection to it. I’ve been on my own for a bit here in DC and have been attending mass regularly. I lived my entire life surrounded by the Catholic Church. I was baptized in the Catholic Church as a baby, I did my first Communion in the Church and I did my Confirmation in the Church. BUT – when I fall in love and meet the person I am supposed to marry I will either be 1) Not allowed to get married in the Catholic Church because of my choice of life partner or 2) Not get married in the Catholic Church because I would be considered a hypocrite for believing that every individual has the right to marry who they want. A comment on the story closely aligned to my sentiments:
“Only the Holy Father can speak for the whole Church, but if in fact he agrees with Caffarra, then no, you are not a Catholic. You either adhere to the teachings of your religion, or you get out. Nobody is going to excommunicate you because you’re only that important in your own mind, but if you take Communion while disobeying the Church, then you are a hypocrite, and you can answer for that however you choose.”
Key phrases: IF YOU TAKE COMMUNION and YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE. This makes sense to me. 100%. I am not naïve nor do I go along with popular belief. Thinking through it more I don’t believe I am truly Catholic, but instead believe that the Catholic Church provides me with a sense of comfort. Throughout my life, with everything I have been through, the Church has been there a sign that I was doing something right. It comforted me, it gave me hope, it taught me that the Lord is the truth and is life! These are still things I believe, but is this comfort a sign that I am simply Christian? Catholic? Or is there a difference? At this point in my life I feel like I should know the answer to this but I don’t. The more I think about it, I feel like I should be seeking truth in another religion that allows me to find a church that allows me to be comfortable with myself and not one that makes me feel like I am on a bus straight to hell because I wanted to be happy. It’s a clash of belief versus belief: the beliefs of the Catholic Church versus the beliefs of millions of others who believe that marriage and happiness is a HUMAN right. It’s about time I choose a side.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"Anywhere in Texas"
A few weeks ago I came face-to-face with this thing we call life. Decisions were thrown at me and all of a sudden I went from being down about doing nothing, to not knowing what I would be doing next. In the back of mind I knew the moment would come. I had worked hard over the last eight years waiting for the defining moment when someone would say: Join us. But with the economy being the way it is one can’t help but to have those feelings of doubt weighing more heavily than the feelings of optimism. One moment, nothing was going my way and in the blink of an eye everything changes. Everything. Lucky for me, I can report that this “life experience” is mostly a positive one, with some unenthusiastic transitional feelings involved. I remember it like it was yesterday, mainly because it almost literally was.
Less than three weeks ago I was outside helping my uncle work on the truck. I had been driving it back and forth from College Station as I moved everything from my beloved Aggieland back to Paradise as well as driving it around town when all of a sudden, while I was driving in fact, my transmission went out. We were hoping for something not as serious, so we began doing minor things: changing the oil, the transmission fluid, checking the modulator valve and such. No luck. And that phrase defines more than what was wrong with the truck. I had had no luck with finding a job, no luck with money, no luck with driving. While I want to say I felt depressed during this time, I feel like that is an exaggeration. It was a rough time emotionally, but after over four years of being away from home, these few weeks had been great, not having to worry about too much, having home cooked meals, and spending time with my family whom are all very close to my heart. After spending a few hours under the truck, I went to my phone to see that I had a voicemail from an unknown number: it was the Partnership for Public Service, located in Washington DC, wanting to interview me for a fellowship position they had available. I immediately called back and scheduled the interview for the same day, actually within the hour. To make a long story short, I was on a flight to DC less than a week later. To add to the mix, I received a position at Teach for America as well. I was offered a teaching job in Los Angeles starting in the end of June teaching high school English and Special Education. It hasn’t even been three weeks since this took place. Since then I also received a call about being a Residence Hall Program Coordinator at the University of North Texas. Obviously, I respectfully declined. I am in the nation’s capital now, awaiting a snow storm that will arrive this afternoon and bring 10-20 inches of snow. I’ve experienced three snow storms in my almost 14 days in Washington. “I don’t need to go home, but anywhere in Texas will be fine…”
The Partnership for Public Service –
So far my experience here has been wonderful. I have a contract that is for six months. I am working as a Communications Fellow. You can compare that to an internship except that it is more glorified. I do get paid and I have more responsibility than any internship programs I have ever heard of. I work with a supervisor in promoting programs that we have coming up as well as doing a lot of writing and editing for different things within the organization. I knew some about the Partnership when applying for the fellowship, but the more I learn about it, the more I am in love with what this organization does. Simply put, we help make the government better. I won’t go into long, drawn-out detail about it, but if you are genuinely interested, we have some job openings. Our website: http://ourpublicservice.org.
Teach for America –
I found out about my position with Teach for America the afternoon after I had accepted my offer with the Partnership. When I first found out about it my immediate worries were
1. Moving to Los Angeles, mainly because of all the horror stories you hear about drugs, gangs, etc.
2. Teaching special education.
While I checked the box that said that I would be willing to teach special education, it became a reality when I read it on my acceptance. As if being a part of TFA was already not a challenge within itself, I would be facing the same challenges but with a larger education gap. The ambitious side of me wants to dive in with full confidence knowing that I would be successful, but then there is the other side of me that wonders if I am ready to take on something like this. These issues were honestly less complex compared to the immediate problem that this added decision posed. The timeline I had: Arrive in DC on January 27th. Make a decision about Teach for America by February 5th. End fellowship mid-June. Begin TFA training on June 27th. TFA commitment, two years. Reading the timeline it all technically coincides but we are missing an overarching commitment that I made almost two years ago: The Marine Corps.
The Marine Corps –
I’ve been a part of the Marine Corps for almost two years now. In the last six months or so I’ve been dealing with some problems with my unit that I won’t get into mainly because I am not ready to talk about it all in full detail. These problems have made me think about my commitment to the Marine Corps and what it is I am trying to gain from this experience. So far, I feel like I have not gotten very much from my time spent within the service. For this reason I feel it is important that I serve not as a once-a-month reservist but full time, active duty. This is what I want to do after my fellowship here in DC. For the time being however, I am working on sorting everything out, and getting into a reserve unit here in Washington. I’ll do my once-a-month thing here and then finish my training all at once after I am done at the Partnership. From there, I am going to keep things fluid: option 1, Officer Candidate School. Option 2, stay enlisted but active duty, hopefully going overseas somewhere. As most of you know, service in this capacity is one of the things that I feel are the most important for me. While this may change a million times by the time the end of my fellowship arrives, this is what I would like to see play out within the next year. I will probably decline my TFA offer within the next week or so. I can’t do all three, as much as I wish I could. In my mind, I am working within public service in any of the choices all make. Its reassuring that I am doing the right thing when I tell myself that. I know those kids in LA need me, but there are bigger problems in the world to tackle right now. Not that the kids aren’t important, it’s just what I need to do right now. I am rambling now and trying to justify to myself that I am doing the right thing. The rambling is testament to the fact that even I don’t know if I am…
For now, I need to get adjusted to being in a new place. I remember moving to Paradise, moving to College Station, and now moving to Washington DC. It takes time and talking to everyone from home has made it both easier and harder. The massive amounts of snow and the fact that my friend base is very small make me miss and want to go back to Texas. “Anywhere in Texas will be fine.” I know it will take time but it is a lot to get used to. I miss my family, my buddies, my friends, and of course that spirit of Aggieland that you can’t find anywhere else in the world. I am compiling a “DC Bucket List” that I am hoping to publish soon. Until then, God Bless and Gig ‘em!
Blog inspired by song "Anywhere in Texas" by Kyle Park
Less than three weeks ago I was outside helping my uncle work on the truck. I had been driving it back and forth from College Station as I moved everything from my beloved Aggieland back to Paradise as well as driving it around town when all of a sudden, while I was driving in fact, my transmission went out. We were hoping for something not as serious, so we began doing minor things: changing the oil, the transmission fluid, checking the modulator valve and such. No luck. And that phrase defines more than what was wrong with the truck. I had had no luck with finding a job, no luck with money, no luck with driving. While I want to say I felt depressed during this time, I feel like that is an exaggeration. It was a rough time emotionally, but after over four years of being away from home, these few weeks had been great, not having to worry about too much, having home cooked meals, and spending time with my family whom are all very close to my heart. After spending a few hours under the truck, I went to my phone to see that I had a voicemail from an unknown number: it was the Partnership for Public Service, located in Washington DC, wanting to interview me for a fellowship position they had available. I immediately called back and scheduled the interview for the same day, actually within the hour. To make a long story short, I was on a flight to DC less than a week later. To add to the mix, I received a position at Teach for America as well. I was offered a teaching job in Los Angeles starting in the end of June teaching high school English and Special Education. It hasn’t even been three weeks since this took place. Since then I also received a call about being a Residence Hall Program Coordinator at the University of North Texas. Obviously, I respectfully declined. I am in the nation’s capital now, awaiting a snow storm that will arrive this afternoon and bring 10-20 inches of snow. I’ve experienced three snow storms in my almost 14 days in Washington. “I don’t need to go home, but anywhere in Texas will be fine…”
The Partnership for Public Service –
So far my experience here has been wonderful. I have a contract that is for six months. I am working as a Communications Fellow. You can compare that to an internship except that it is more glorified. I do get paid and I have more responsibility than any internship programs I have ever heard of. I work with a supervisor in promoting programs that we have coming up as well as doing a lot of writing and editing for different things within the organization. I knew some about the Partnership when applying for the fellowship, but the more I learn about it, the more I am in love with what this organization does. Simply put, we help make the government better. I won’t go into long, drawn-out detail about it, but if you are genuinely interested, we have some job openings. Our website: http://ourpublicservice.org.
Teach for America –
I found out about my position with Teach for America the afternoon after I had accepted my offer with the Partnership. When I first found out about it my immediate worries were
1. Moving to Los Angeles, mainly because of all the horror stories you hear about drugs, gangs, etc.
2. Teaching special education.
While I checked the box that said that I would be willing to teach special education, it became a reality when I read it on my acceptance. As if being a part of TFA was already not a challenge within itself, I would be facing the same challenges but with a larger education gap. The ambitious side of me wants to dive in with full confidence knowing that I would be successful, but then there is the other side of me that wonders if I am ready to take on something like this. These issues were honestly less complex compared to the immediate problem that this added decision posed. The timeline I had: Arrive in DC on January 27th. Make a decision about Teach for America by February 5th. End fellowship mid-June. Begin TFA training on June 27th. TFA commitment, two years. Reading the timeline it all technically coincides but we are missing an overarching commitment that I made almost two years ago: The Marine Corps.
The Marine Corps –
I’ve been a part of the Marine Corps for almost two years now. In the last six months or so I’ve been dealing with some problems with my unit that I won’t get into mainly because I am not ready to talk about it all in full detail. These problems have made me think about my commitment to the Marine Corps and what it is I am trying to gain from this experience. So far, I feel like I have not gotten very much from my time spent within the service. For this reason I feel it is important that I serve not as a once-a-month reservist but full time, active duty. This is what I want to do after my fellowship here in DC. For the time being however, I am working on sorting everything out, and getting into a reserve unit here in Washington. I’ll do my once-a-month thing here and then finish my training all at once after I am done at the Partnership. From there, I am going to keep things fluid: option 1, Officer Candidate School. Option 2, stay enlisted but active duty, hopefully going overseas somewhere. As most of you know, service in this capacity is one of the things that I feel are the most important for me. While this may change a million times by the time the end of my fellowship arrives, this is what I would like to see play out within the next year. I will probably decline my TFA offer within the next week or so. I can’t do all three, as much as I wish I could. In my mind, I am working within public service in any of the choices all make. Its reassuring that I am doing the right thing when I tell myself that. I know those kids in LA need me, but there are bigger problems in the world to tackle right now. Not that the kids aren’t important, it’s just what I need to do right now. I am rambling now and trying to justify to myself that I am doing the right thing. The rambling is testament to the fact that even I don’t know if I am…
For now, I need to get adjusted to being in a new place. I remember moving to Paradise, moving to College Station, and now moving to Washington DC. It takes time and talking to everyone from home has made it both easier and harder. The massive amounts of snow and the fact that my friend base is very small make me miss and want to go back to Texas. “Anywhere in Texas will be fine.” I know it will take time but it is a lot to get used to. I miss my family, my buddies, my friends, and of course that spirit of Aggieland that you can’t find anywhere else in the world. I am compiling a “DC Bucket List” that I am hoping to publish soon. Until then, God Bless and Gig ‘em!
Blog inspired by song "Anywhere in Texas" by Kyle Park
Monday, January 11, 2010
With Arms Wide Open, Welcome 2010
Eleven days into the new year and I am lost. I welcomed the year 2010 with open arms, after a very rough 2009. I updated on Twitter that “2009 was the worst year of my life.” Looking back, I don’t know how accurate that statement was, but it was definitely a year with many obstacles. While 2009 provided these challenges it also brought many memories and reasons for me to be thankful. The coming of this particular new year was special to me for two reasons: it marked the end of my college career and beginning of the next part of my life and it marked the end of a decade. I started thinking about some of the things that happened worldwide from 2000 to 2010. I did a quick Google search and made a list of the following:
Y2K scare – the rise Social Media – the return of Apple – September 11th and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan – the Papal change in the Vatican – Hurricanes and Tsunami’s around the globe – Michael Jackson and other celebrity deaths, most notably in 2009 – Darfur –Smart phones – the US economy – and last the election of our first African American President Barack Obama
For me, the biggest event was my transition from high school to college in 2005. As most know, my experience at A&M was one that forever changed me and one that I will never forget. Yes, most people had a mediocre to amazing college experience, but I have yet to talk or meet someone who stands for their alma mater the way that the Aggie Family does. That in itself is something that makes A&M special.
My “Finding Aggieland” story is something I tell a lot of people because it describes how grateful I am to have luckily landed on the A&M campus. Spring semester, senior year of high school I would have told anyone that I was going to go to Baylor; I had even given them my housing deposit. In the fall of 2005 I was to start my career as a Baylor Bear. (The Aggies reading this probably cringed at that statement, as I did writing it.) My Marine Corps recruiter, the bastard that he was, literally forced me to apply to A&M and helped me get a full ride. I couldn’t believe it, but the more and more I looked at A&M, the more and more I felt inclined that being an Aggie was what I was supposed to be. I made my decision and took my first steps on campus during my New Student Conference. A risk, for sure, but proof that everything does happen for a reason. It was a rocky start with classes, being a fish in the Corps, and having joint problems a month in, but it was something that I overcame and can look back now and be speechless. I thought about all the people who helped guide me along my way and it was so easy to pinpoint these specific people and groups:
Peggy Kronenberger, a teacher of mine, is the reason I tried so hard in high school to be valedictorian.
Adam Jones, my Marine recruiter is the reason I applied to Texas A&M.
Karen Bohmfalk and Sherry McCasey, teachers, are the reasons I accepted my offer to A&M.
Jeremy Bell, my Commanding Officer in B Company, is the reason I joined the Corps and the Aggie Band.
MaMary Ann Jenkins, one of my buddies and best friends, is the reason I continued in the Corps after wanting to leave.
Angie Zuniga and Diany Villanueva, some of my best friends who I met at Fish Camp, are the reasons I applied for Fish Camp Counselor. (They are also my “Fish Camp Story”)
Wesley LeRoux, my first Co Chair to my Fish Camp, is the reason I applied to work at the Visitor Center.
Pedro Vega, my buddy, sophomore year roommate, and best friend, is the reason I applied for 1st Sergeant of B Company.
Justin Curtsinger, a co worker, former Ross Volunteer, and now a best friend, is the reason I applied to be a Ross Volunteer.
And my family is the driving force and support behind my reasons for wanting to be successful.
I feel that these events are significant to my career at A&M. To fall in love with everything your school stands for: the community, 12th Man, Silver Taps, Muster, the Aggie Ring, and everything else, but to also leave with a world class education, and a group of individuals who I can my best friends -- it’s hard writing this knowing that this experience that I write about is over. I’m thankful that I chose Texas A&M to pursue my education. Through good times and bad, the good definitely overshadow the bad and it is something I already miss.
I became a former student on December 18th and returned home to spend time with my family for Christmas. I returned to College Station for the Bowl Game in Shreveport. I went out there with my buddies and had an awesome time. The game wasn’t so great, but we did enjoy time at the casinos and with alcohol. After I came to College Station I started packing my apartment. While originally wanting to pack a little at a time, I decided to go ahead and pack my entire apartment and move back home. It was a hard decision to make and maybe one that I made with little reason, but I stand by it. There was nothing left for me in College Station besides my friends. Yes, that seems like reason enough to stay, but when you are simply taking up a space that costs money and you aren’t making any, then that poses a problem. I am home now, and like aforementioned, I feel lost. I don’t have a job and am unsure about my future track with the Marines.
Times like these I re-read my optimism blog and remind myself of all the things I have to be thankful for. I will be finding out about Teach for American soon and hopefully finding a job before then. I have also gone on a few dates since I’ve been in DFW and have met someone in particular who is really amazing. Taking it one day at a time. 2010 I am excited about what you have in store for me. With arms wide open, let’s jump right in.
Y2K scare – the rise Social Media – the return of Apple – September 11th and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan – the Papal change in the Vatican – Hurricanes and Tsunami’s around the globe – Michael Jackson and other celebrity deaths, most notably in 2009 – Darfur –Smart phones – the US economy – and last the election of our first African American President Barack Obama
For me, the biggest event was my transition from high school to college in 2005. As most know, my experience at A&M was one that forever changed me and one that I will never forget. Yes, most people had a mediocre to amazing college experience, but I have yet to talk or meet someone who stands for their alma mater the way that the Aggie Family does. That in itself is something that makes A&M special.
My “Finding Aggieland” story is something I tell a lot of people because it describes how grateful I am to have luckily landed on the A&M campus. Spring semester, senior year of high school I would have told anyone that I was going to go to Baylor; I had even given them my housing deposit. In the fall of 2005 I was to start my career as a Baylor Bear. (The Aggies reading this probably cringed at that statement, as I did writing it.) My Marine Corps recruiter, the bastard that he was, literally forced me to apply to A&M and helped me get a full ride. I couldn’t believe it, but the more and more I looked at A&M, the more and more I felt inclined that being an Aggie was what I was supposed to be. I made my decision and took my first steps on campus during my New Student Conference. A risk, for sure, but proof that everything does happen for a reason. It was a rocky start with classes, being a fish in the Corps, and having joint problems a month in, but it was something that I overcame and can look back now and be speechless. I thought about all the people who helped guide me along my way and it was so easy to pinpoint these specific people and groups:
Peggy Kronenberger, a teacher of mine, is the reason I tried so hard in high school to be valedictorian.
Adam Jones, my Marine recruiter is the reason I applied to Texas A&M.
Karen Bohmfalk and Sherry McCasey, teachers, are the reasons I accepted my offer to A&M.
Jeremy Bell, my Commanding Officer in B Company, is the reason I joined the Corps and the Aggie Band.
MaMary Ann Jenkins, one of my buddies and best friends, is the reason I continued in the Corps after wanting to leave.
Angie Zuniga and Diany Villanueva, some of my best friends who I met at Fish Camp, are the reasons I applied for Fish Camp Counselor. (They are also my “Fish Camp Story”)
Wesley LeRoux, my first Co Chair to my Fish Camp, is the reason I applied to work at the Visitor Center.
Pedro Vega, my buddy, sophomore year roommate, and best friend, is the reason I applied for 1st Sergeant of B Company.
Justin Curtsinger, a co worker, former Ross Volunteer, and now a best friend, is the reason I applied to be a Ross Volunteer.
And my family is the driving force and support behind my reasons for wanting to be successful.
I feel that these events are significant to my career at A&M. To fall in love with everything your school stands for: the community, 12th Man, Silver Taps, Muster, the Aggie Ring, and everything else, but to also leave with a world class education, and a group of individuals who I can my best friends -- it’s hard writing this knowing that this experience that I write about is over. I’m thankful that I chose Texas A&M to pursue my education. Through good times and bad, the good definitely overshadow the bad and it is something I already miss.
I became a former student on December 18th and returned home to spend time with my family for Christmas. I returned to College Station for the Bowl Game in Shreveport. I went out there with my buddies and had an awesome time. The game wasn’t so great, but we did enjoy time at the casinos and with alcohol. After I came to College Station I started packing my apartment. While originally wanting to pack a little at a time, I decided to go ahead and pack my entire apartment and move back home. It was a hard decision to make and maybe one that I made with little reason, but I stand by it. There was nothing left for me in College Station besides my friends. Yes, that seems like reason enough to stay, but when you are simply taking up a space that costs money and you aren’t making any, then that poses a problem. I am home now, and like aforementioned, I feel lost. I don’t have a job and am unsure about my future track with the Marines.
Times like these I re-read my optimism blog and remind myself of all the things I have to be thankful for. I will be finding out about Teach for American soon and hopefully finding a job before then. I have also gone on a few dates since I’ve been in DFW and have met someone in particular who is really amazing. Taking it one day at a time. 2010 I am excited about what you have in store for me. With arms wide open, let’s jump right in.
