Praying...And Then Praying Some More...

I really should try to post more than once a month. A lot happens so quickly and I get overwhelmed, and then realize that I haven't updated for my avid readers. I guess the last time I left off it was still March...things were still going smoothly....and there were over 50 days left until final review. Only 30 days now. Things aren't so smooth, and as a matter a fact they are very rocky. Well...I had to drop Calculus. It was probably mainly my fault. I let myself get behind, and it was too hard to catch up. I probably could've caught up, if I would have put forth the effort early, but...I didn't. I went to Margarita Rocks for the first time on Latino Night...I had a lot of fun. I went with some Corps friends, and we all had a blast. I applied for Executive Staff on one of my organizations (MEDALS). MEDALS puts on a high school conference at A&M for mainly minority students form schools around Texas. Well, was interviewed and I got the position....I am Director of Finance. I was really excited about that, and I met everyone else on staff, and they are all really cool. I am the only male. That situation seems to happen often, and I haven't quite figured out why. Last week was Senior Hell Week. It started out by all the fish stealing our Commanders stuff out of his room. By stuff I mean everything he owns down to his underwear and bedsheets. We even took his Aggie Ring and Senior Boots. Yea, well he and the rest of the seniors were pissed. We had to complete all these crazy assignments and we got smoked a few times. But it all ended Friday on good terms, and resulted in them 'dropping' with us, meaning they told us their first names and we told them ours....its tradition, and we usually address them by Mr. or Mrs., whatever. And the stealing of the stuff is tradition also. Every fish class steals their commanders stuff and they go through hell basically until they give up, or until the end of the week. We made it till te end, and honestly there were times that I wanted to give the stuff back. We had to switch roomates through that whole process also, and I got put with Johnathan (Urbanosky). When I first got in there I really did not have much to say. We aren't similar. He is a country boy who likes hunting and fishing, and 'white' people things. He's a redneck in other words, and I don't mean that offensively. People call him that, and he calls himself that. Anyway, by the end of the week we both knew each other a lot better and had a lot to talk and joke about. It was a good experience in that sense. Friday night was the start of Parents Weekend. My family couldn't make it because my uncle was still in Mexico. He went for his Grandpa's funeral. And Thursday I received some bad news that would have me traveling home for a funeral. My friend from Upward Bound, Bioleta Garcia, was killed in a car wreck in Decatur. Nancy called my phone and left me a message. I immediately called my aunt and asked her if she knew anything about it. She said no. (which was a lie, as my Grandma later informed me. She had known since it happened and didn't call me, knowing how good of friends me and Bioleta had been in the past) Anyway, I am over that part. Talking to my aunt I just broke down. I couldn't believe it. I had not seen Bioleta in a while. I knew Bioleta since the ninth grade. We both entered Upward Bound together, and we went to the same church in Bridgeport. We spent the summer together at UNT, we worked together last summer, and also went to DC as a group with UB last June. We had a lot of good memories and a lot of inside jokes. We became the closest probably my sophomore year. We spent hours talking on the phone, or on MSN, mainly about nothing. I nicknamed her Poca-Tonta...the Poca because she looks like Pocahontas...the Tonta because she was so retarded. I loved making fun of her because it was so easy. In DC she flushed her cell phone down the toilet by accident. When she appied for a job at Pizza Hut she had to take the multiple choice test...well you aren't supposed to write on the test- she did. And she had little side notes next to some of her answers. I asked her what those were and she said explanations to her choice of answer. She was so crazy. We grew apart as we got older....and now I regret that more than ever. I went home Sunday, went to the memorial Sunday night, and the funeral Monday morning. She was buried in her wedding dress, because she was engaged, and three months pregnant. They played a video slideshow with her pictures and the first song they played was 'Who You'd Be Today' by Kenny Chesney (the song currently on my profile) I broke down once again. I don't know why people die so young. I have been to so many funerals, you'd think I would be used to death by now, but it seems that it gets harder and harder each time. The part that sucks though is that I am only 18 years old. I have been to over 20 funerals and I am still very young. I will go to another one, unless I am next to go. It could be any day. I'm just scared to think of who it could be. I pray its not one of my family members. I don't want to see anyone die. I don't think I could handle it. I really don't and I am almost in tears just thinking about it. I don't know what I would do. I got to see Desiree, and after she left I just thought so much about how much I love her. She is me in a females body. She is so amazing and if something happens to her, or my sister or brother.....please God, I can't go through something like that. I am so scared. I understand what happens when someone dies. I am not scared of death, really, but I am scared I guess of being able to cope with the loss. To all my friends I love you all. I wish I could take everyone out to eat and just talk and hang out. I wish I didn't have as much to do so I could make time to do that. But I don't. So, please be careful wherever you go. God Bless you.

Well, I'm going home again tomorrow for Easter. I'll be back Sunday to finish up the year. Until then, take care...really.


OKAY....Bioleta was not buried in her wedding dress. Someone told me that, but I guess they were wrong. My bad.