Moving...

I decided to move my blog, yet again.

You can find it at http://adhernandez.wordpress.com

War Torn

**Disclaimer: this is a really depressing entry. I am okay, but just recounting on a dream I recently had. It has been weighing down on my mind lately, as I would imagine it would for anyone who has experienced something similar.**

I woke up freezing. I had kicked my blankets away, my heart was racing, and I was sweating. It had been a while since I’d had a dream like that. They don’t come around often but when they do, they stay with me for days, sometimes weeks. It was the second night in my new place. I don’t believe that being in a new place is the reason for my bad dream especially since it wasn’t my first nightmare. When I think about it now I get a knot in my stomach. Never have I felt so close to an experience like this one; a dream so vivid that after it was over I was not sure if I would return there once I fell back asleep.

It is always hard to retell dreams because none of it ends up making sense. I remember my first Marine recruiter being there. I remember a few people from my unit. I remember being complacent with the fact that I was being sent overseas. I had received orders to go to war and was ready to go. I don’t quite remember if I was heading to Afghanistan or Iraq, but in my dream there was a lot desert. That doesn’t define one thing or the other, but I remember thinking about my fellowship, and wondering what had happened to it. I remember thinking of my DC home and wondering where all that had went. I remember wondering what happened to everything I had developed in the short time I had been in DC and why it was so easy for me to leave. Everything in between is a blur. I don’t remember much else but being under a tent with several other guys. All of a sudden a group of guys with turpins started shooting at us from around the corner. It seemed to be as close as ten feet away. I remember grabbing my gun, starting to shoot, and falling to the ground. I was shot, and remember thinking how I didn’t feel anything, but I was bleeding. I fell, closed my eyes, and that was it. I looked to see myself lying on the ground, lifeless. If you have never had a dream about dying, it is a scary experience. I’m sure I even cried in my sleep, especially after seeing my buddies, my family, and friends as if I was watching them mourn from above. It was weird watching people react to the news of my death. I remember thinking if this was real, but there was nothing to prove otherwise. I had become another casualty of the war overseas.

I looked up the interpretation of my dream. I was at war and I saw myself die. From Dream Dictionary:

To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually mean that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes do not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying.

Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

To dream of a war, signifies disorder and chaos in your waking life. You are experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle which is tearing you up inside. Alternatively, the dream also indicates that you are being overly aggressive or that you are not being assertive enough. Perhaps you need to be prepared to put up a fight in some area of your life. On a more direct level, the dream may be reflection of current wars around the world.

I would definitely agree that I am dealing with some inner struggles. Then at the same time my brother just got assigned to his first unit in 29 Palms, set to deploy sometime at the end of this year. Everything with the Marine Corps is very current and constantly on my mind. And the more I consider my life after this fellowship the more I see the Marine Corps as being my number one and most appealing option as to what I want be doing next. The idea of going overseas is not something that is farfetched, but something that is very real, very near, and somewhat attractive.

The idea of dying is something that I feel like I have come to terms with. Again – a very real event that I have no control over, but something that everyone deals with at least one time in his or her life. If it’s to happen overseas or domestically I am very happy with the life I have lived. I have committed it and lived a life for others. While there is still a lot that I want to do and accomplish I have to be satisfied in knowing that I have not regretted any choice I have made with my life. I am scared to death over something that may not even be happening. But this dream made it even more accessible, which I would say isn’t a good thing for my thought process.

DC Exclusive

The days are going by quick. Work is busy and I am finally making some new friends around DC. As I’ve been telling everyone: the city is growing on me. I haven’t forgot about Texas and I still think about it everyday. Before I get called “Yankee” one more time, I just wanted to make that clear. ☺

One of the coolest things I have been able to experience is a run I went on last night. It has been a while since I have run so I had originally planned to run around the block a few times. I ran around the block, around Lincoln Park, and headed to the Capitol Building. I ran to the steps of the Capitol Building and then kept running. I went past the Library of Congress, past a few of the Smithsonian’s, all the way to the Washington Monument. Ran around some there, then turned around and came home. I mapped it out and it ended up being around eight miles, which isn’t bad for not having run in a while. As I was running, I just couldn’t help but be amazed in my surroundings. I mean, seriously. How blessed I am to be able to take a light jog around the neighborhood – Capitol Hill.

To those of you who take the time to read this, you have no idea how much it means to me. Writing is a way for me to vent, and truly express how I am feeling. Being out of college, it is so much easier to brainstorm and think and write all of those things down. This is something I really enjoy, and being able to share this with those of you who read and support me makes it that much better.

With more time, as thoughts come to mind I have begun to write them down more frequently. I am currently working on/thinking about several things. Here’s a sneak peak at some of the stuff I will be publishing in the near future:

“War Torn” – the retelling and analysis of a nightmare I had where I dreamed I was deployed overseas.

“What the Corps Doesn’t Prepare You For” – As I prepare to go back to College Station, Texas for Aggie Muster next month, I am recollecting on everything that has happened in year since I have left the Corps of Cadets.

“Not Another Aggie Blog” – A comparison of Texas A&M with the University of Texas. Of course I am biased, but I have always respected UT for the school that it is. I will present a different argument and prove why Texas A&M is the best school is the state of Texas.

“Danny’s DC Bucket List” – I’ve appreciated everyone’s suggestions on this. I am still compiling the final list (which I should hurry), but I will post it soon.

The main reason for this entry is to say thank you for everyone who keeps up with me, especially those of you who have read my entire blog. While that is crazy and maybe even a little bit creepy, I do appreciate it. Next blog should be up by the end of the week. Love you all, God Bless, and Gig ‘Em.

Choosing Sides

Lately I have been spending a great amount of time on Twitter and Facebook, not only for your typical networking purposes, but actually for work. I’ve been reading a lot about how to use both of services as well as how to effectively market a non-profit organization. It has truly been a lot of fun, and I am very deep into my work.

Today as I was scrolling through some updates on Twitter I came across one from @equalityamerica that said: “Vatican Cardinal: Pro-Marriage Equality Advocates Are ’Not Catholics.’” I chuckled to myself, as I thought this was a bit absurd. I am very pro same-sex marriage, and at the same time I consider myself Catholic,… right? http://www.edgeboston.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=102515

I sat here thinking for a while about Catholicism and my connection to it. I’ve been on my own for a bit here in DC and have been attending mass regularly. I lived my entire life surrounded by the Catholic Church. I was baptized in the Catholic Church as a baby, I did my first Communion in the Church and I did my Confirmation in the Church. BUT – when I fall in love and meet the person I am supposed to marry I will either be 1) Not allowed to get married in the Catholic Church because of my choice of life partner or 2) Not get married in the Catholic Church because I would be considered a hypocrite for believing that every individual has the right to marry who they want. A comment on the story closely aligned to my sentiments:

“Only the Holy Father can speak for the whole Church, but if in fact he agrees with Caffarra, then no, you are not a Catholic. You either adhere to the teachings of your religion, or you get out. Nobody is going to excommunicate you because you’re only that important in your own mind, but if you take Communion while disobeying the Church, then you are a hypocrite, and you can answer for that however you choose.”

Key phrases: IF YOU TAKE COMMUNION and YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE. This makes sense to me. 100%. I am not naïve nor do I go along with popular belief. Thinking through it more I don’t believe I am truly Catholic, but instead believe that the Catholic Church provides me with a sense of comfort. Throughout my life, with everything I have been through, the Church has been there a sign that I was doing something right. It comforted me, it gave me hope, it taught me that the Lord is the truth and is life! These are still things I believe, but is this comfort a sign that I am simply Christian? Catholic? Or is there a difference? At this point in my life I feel like I should know the answer to this but I don’t. The more I think about it, I feel like I should be seeking truth in another religion that allows me to find a church that allows me to be comfortable with myself and not one that makes me feel like I am on a bus straight to hell because I wanted to be happy. It’s a clash of belief versus belief: the beliefs of the Catholic Church versus the beliefs of millions of others who believe that marriage and happiness is a HUMAN right. It’s about time I choose a side.

"Anywhere in Texas"

A few weeks ago I came face-to-face with this thing we call life. Decisions were thrown at me and all of a sudden I went from being down about doing nothing, to not knowing what I would be doing next. In the back of mind I knew the moment would come. I had worked hard over the last eight years waiting for the defining moment when someone would say: Join us. But with the economy being the way it is one can’t help but to have those feelings of doubt weighing more heavily than the feelings of optimism. One moment, nothing was going my way and in the blink of an eye everything changes. Everything. Lucky for me, I can report that this “life experience” is mostly a positive one, with some unenthusiastic transitional feelings involved. I remember it like it was yesterday, mainly because it almost literally was.

Less than three weeks ago I was outside helping my uncle work on the truck. I had been driving it back and forth from College Station as I moved everything from my beloved Aggieland back to Paradise as well as driving it around town when all of a sudden, while I was driving in fact, my transmission went out. We were hoping for something not as serious, so we began doing minor things: changing the oil, the transmission fluid, checking the modulator valve and such. No luck. And that phrase defines more than what was wrong with the truck. I had had no luck with finding a job, no luck with money, no luck with driving. While I want to say I felt depressed during this time, I feel like that is an exaggeration. It was a rough time emotionally, but after over four years of being away from home, these few weeks had been great, not having to worry about too much, having home cooked meals, and spending time with my family whom are all very close to my heart. After spending a few hours under the truck, I went to my phone to see that I had a voicemail from an unknown number: it was the Partnership for Public Service, located in Washington DC, wanting to interview me for a fellowship position they had available. I immediately called back and scheduled the interview for the same day, actually within the hour. To make a long story short, I was on a flight to DC less than a week later. To add to the mix, I received a position at Teach for America as well. I was offered a teaching job in Los Angeles starting in the end of June teaching high school English and Special Education. It hasn’t even been three weeks since this took place. Since then I also received a call about being a Residence Hall Program Coordinator at the University of North Texas. Obviously, I respectfully declined. I am in the nation’s capital now, awaiting a snow storm that will arrive this afternoon and bring 10-20 inches of snow. I’ve experienced three snow storms in my almost 14 days in Washington. “I don’t need to go home, but anywhere in Texas will be fine…”

The Partnership for Public Service –
So far my experience here has been wonderful. I have a contract that is for six months. I am working as a Communications Fellow. You can compare that to an internship except that it is more glorified. I do get paid and I have more responsibility than any internship programs I have ever heard of. I work with a supervisor in promoting programs that we have coming up as well as doing a lot of writing and editing for different things within the organization. I knew some about the Partnership when applying for the fellowship, but the more I learn about it, the more I am in love with what this organization does. Simply put, we help make the government better. I won’t go into long, drawn-out detail about it, but if you are genuinely interested, we have some job openings. Our website: http://ourpublicservice.org.

Teach for America –
I found out about my position with Teach for America the afternoon after I had accepted my offer with the Partnership. When I first found out about it my immediate worries were

1. Moving to Los Angeles, mainly because of all the horror stories you hear about drugs, gangs, etc.
2. Teaching special education.

While I checked the box that said that I would be willing to teach special education, it became a reality when I read it on my acceptance. As if being a part of TFA was already not a challenge within itself, I would be facing the same challenges but with a larger education gap. The ambitious side of me wants to dive in with full confidence knowing that I would be successful, but then there is the other side of me that wonders if I am ready to take on something like this. These issues were honestly less complex compared to the immediate problem that this added decision posed. The timeline I had: Arrive in DC on January 27th. Make a decision about Teach for America by February 5th. End fellowship mid-June. Begin TFA training on June 27th. TFA commitment, two years. Reading the timeline it all technically coincides but we are missing an overarching commitment that I made almost two years ago: The Marine Corps.

The Marine Corps –
I’ve been a part of the Marine Corps for almost two years now. In the last six months or so I’ve been dealing with some problems with my unit that I won’t get into mainly because I am not ready to talk about it all in full detail. These problems have made me think about my commitment to the Marine Corps and what it is I am trying to gain from this experience. So far, I feel like I have not gotten very much from my time spent within the service. For this reason I feel it is important that I serve not as a once-a-month reservist but full time, active duty. This is what I want to do after my fellowship here in DC. For the time being however, I am working on sorting everything out, and getting into a reserve unit here in Washington. I’ll do my once-a-month thing here and then finish my training all at once after I am done at the Partnership. From there, I am going to keep things fluid: option 1, Officer Candidate School. Option 2, stay enlisted but active duty, hopefully going overseas somewhere. As most of you know, service in this capacity is one of the things that I feel are the most important for me. While this may change a million times by the time the end of my fellowship arrives, this is what I would like to see play out within the next year. I will probably decline my TFA offer within the next week or so. I can’t do all three, as much as I wish I could. In my mind, I am working within public service in any of the choices all make. Its reassuring that I am doing the right thing when I tell myself that. I know those kids in LA need me, but there are bigger problems in the world to tackle right now. Not that the kids aren’t important, it’s just what I need to do right now. I am rambling now and trying to justify to myself that I am doing the right thing. The rambling is testament to the fact that even I don’t know if I am…

For now, I need to get adjusted to being in a new place. I remember moving to Paradise, moving to College Station, and now moving to Washington DC. It takes time and talking to everyone from home has made it both easier and harder. The massive amounts of snow and the fact that my friend base is very small make me miss and want to go back to Texas. “Anywhere in Texas will be fine.” I know it will take time but it is a lot to get used to. I miss my family, my buddies, my friends, and of course that spirit of Aggieland that you can’t find anywhere else in the world. I am compiling a “DC Bucket List” that I am hoping to publish soon. Until then, God Bless and Gig ‘em!

Blog inspired by song "Anywhere in Texas" by Kyle Park

With Arms Wide Open, Welcome 2010

Eleven days into the new year and I am lost. I welcomed the year 2010 with open arms, after a very rough 2009. I updated on Twitter that “2009 was the worst year of my life.” Looking back, I don’t know how accurate that statement was, but it was definitely a year with many obstacles. While 2009 provided these challenges it also brought many memories and reasons for me to be thankful. The coming of this particular new year was special to me for two reasons: it marked the end of my college career and beginning of the next part of my life and it marked the end of a decade. I started thinking about some of the things that happened worldwide from 2000 to 2010. I did a quick Google search and made a list of the following:

Y2K scare – the rise Social Media – the return of Apple – September 11th and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan – the Papal change in the Vatican – Hurricanes and Tsunami’s around the globe – Michael Jackson and other celebrity deaths, most notably in 2009 – Darfur –Smart phones – the US economy – and last the election of our first African American President Barack Obama

For me, the biggest event was my transition from high school to college in 2005. As most know, my experience at A&M was one that forever changed me and one that I will never forget. Yes, most people had a mediocre to amazing college experience, but I have yet to talk or meet someone who stands for their alma mater the way that the Aggie Family does. That in itself is something that makes A&M special.

My “Finding Aggieland” story is something I tell a lot of people because it describes how grateful I am to have luckily landed on the A&M campus. Spring semester, senior year of high school I would have told anyone that I was going to go to Baylor; I had even given them my housing deposit. In the fall of 2005 I was to start my career as a Baylor Bear. (The Aggies reading this probably cringed at that statement, as I did writing it.) My Marine Corps recruiter, the bastard that he was, literally forced me to apply to A&M and helped me get a full ride. I couldn’t believe it, but the more and more I looked at A&M, the more and more I felt inclined that being an Aggie was what I was supposed to be. I made my decision and took my first steps on campus during my New Student Conference. A risk, for sure, but proof that everything does happen for a reason. It was a rocky start with classes, being a fish in the Corps, and having joint problems a month in, but it was something that I overcame and can look back now and be speechless. I thought about all the people who helped guide me along my way and it was so easy to pinpoint these specific people and groups:

Peggy Kronenberger, a teacher of mine, is the reason I tried so hard in high school to be valedictorian.
Adam Jones, my Marine recruiter is the reason I applied to Texas A&M.
Karen Bohmfalk and Sherry McCasey, teachers, are the reasons I accepted my offer to A&M.
Jeremy Bell, my Commanding Officer in B Company, is the reason I joined the Corps and the Aggie Band.
MaMary Ann Jenkins, one of my buddies and best friends, is the reason I continued in the Corps after wanting to leave.
Angie Zuniga and Diany Villanueva, some of my best friends who I met at Fish Camp, are the reasons I applied for Fish Camp Counselor. (They are also my “Fish Camp Story”)
Wesley LeRoux, my first Co Chair to my Fish Camp, is the reason I applied to work at the Visitor Center.
Pedro Vega, my buddy, sophomore year roommate, and best friend, is the reason I applied for 1st Sergeant of B Company.
Justin Curtsinger, a co worker, former Ross Volunteer, and now a best friend, is the reason I applied to be a Ross Volunteer.
And my family is the driving force and support behind my reasons for wanting to be successful.

I feel that these events are significant to my career at A&M. To fall in love with everything your school stands for: the community, 12th Man, Silver Taps, Muster, the Aggie Ring, and everything else, but to also leave with a world class education, and a group of individuals who I can my best friends -- it’s hard writing this knowing that this experience that I write about is over. I’m thankful that I chose Texas A&M to pursue my education. Through good times and bad, the good definitely overshadow the bad and it is something I already miss.

I became a former student on December 18th and returned home to spend time with my family for Christmas. I returned to College Station for the Bowl Game in Shreveport. I went out there with my buddies and had an awesome time. The game wasn’t so great, but we did enjoy time at the casinos and with alcohol. After I came to College Station I started packing my apartment. While originally wanting to pack a little at a time, I decided to go ahead and pack my entire apartment and move back home. It was a hard decision to make and maybe one that I made with little reason, but I stand by it. There was nothing left for me in College Station besides my friends. Yes, that seems like reason enough to stay, but when you are simply taking up a space that costs money and you aren’t making any, then that poses a problem. I am home now, and like aforementioned, I feel lost. I don’t have a job and am unsure about my future track with the Marines.

Times like these I re-read my optimism blog and remind myself of all the things I have to be thankful for. I will be finding out about Teach for American soon and hopefully finding a job before then. I have also gone on a few dates since I’ve been in DFW and have met someone in particular who is really amazing. Taking it one day at a time. 2010 I am excited about what you have in store for me. With arms wide open, let’s jump right in.

The Measure of a Man

“Chivalry is dead.”

“There aren’t any real men left in this world.”

“I don’t need a man.”

Simply words. Words by people who are looking, but maybe not seeing what is actually around them. I don’t believe chivalry is dead, although sometimes it may be hard to see.

What does it mean to be a man? As a man who do I hope to become and what do I hope to do? I’ve compiled a few things, my opinion, on the measure of a man.

A man is gentle, daring, aggressive, loving and potent.
A man is good at his work.
A man stands in front of those he loves.
A man knows how to love and knows how to be respectful in a group of people.
A man is there for his friends and his family when they need him, but mostly when they don’t.
A man is true to his word.
A man understands himself, his values, his goals, and his aspirations.

I am a man. And as a man, …

I vow to open the door for every lady in my vicinity.
I vow to remove my hat when speaking with a lady.
I vow to give up my seat for a lady in my presence, on a bus or in public space.
I vow to respect my elders.
I vow to love, and love with all I can.
I vow to give my life for the things that I love: my God, my country, my family, my friends, and my alma mater.
I vow to be the best man that I can be.

Chivalry may be dying, but it isn’t going to be because of me.

It's All Happening

What a wonderful day it has been. I came to campus a little earlier than planned in order to do one last Ags of OAK shift. I joined OAK this semester because it was something I always wanted to do. Our purpose is just to do nice things or Open Acts of Kindness around campus. We do things from hand out candy, to open doors, to give high fives and say “howdy” around campus. I’ve had an awesome time being a part of this group and was sad to have my last shift time this morning. We decided to go to every floor of the libraries on central campus and hand out candy (Smarties) to the people studying.

Near the end of the shift, my OAK partner, Rachel asked an Asian woman if she would like some candy. The lady looked at her, paused for a few seconds, and asked, “But, why?” Rachel laughed and simply told her we were handing out free candy for no reason. Then the lady responded with “Why do you do such good things?” I laughed this time too, waiting for Rachel’s response. I honestly don’t even remember how she responded, but she could have said one of many things: because it’s the mission of our organization, because we like doing nice things, or because this is Texas A&M. It’s awesome how such a simple concept can brighten so many people’s day. While I was handing out candy a girl asked me, “Hey, aren’t y’all the nice people?” I responded, “Why yes, yes we are.” Whoop for Ags of OAK.

After my shift I went to the Marketing and Communications Graduating Senior Luncheon. It’s all happening so quickly: goodbyes, pictures, hugs, and tokens of appreciation. I don’t want it to happen, but at this point there is nothing I can do to stop it. In the words of Dalton, quoted from ‘Almost Famous’, “It’s all happening.”

I Can't Get Over It

Today I overheard someone complaining about President Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Seriously? That happened several months ago. Get over it. On October 16th he visited campus to talk about community service. I was out of town, so I didn’t get to see the craziness that was Texas A&M on this day. I returned from San Diego and read some news articles about the event and was very proud of the Aggies – no negativity (that I could find) in the media. Whoop! Despite this, it didn’t stop a thousand or so protestors from coming to campus and making a big ruckus over something that was completely irrelevant to President Obama’s visit to campus. Again, get over it.

He won the Nobel Peace Prize, and they are not going to take it back. He’s the President and Commander in Chief, whether you like it or not. Closed-minded people and ignorance really bother me. Just like people who chew with their mouth open or don’t wash their hands. I have a lot of pet peeves, and a lot of things that really bother me. Does this make me a negative person, or just someone who is very, very easily irritated? (That is an intentional leading question, hoping for the latter) I started thinking to myself of all the things that bother me and things that even I can’t get over.

Off the top of my head, some of my pet peeves: misspelling the word ‘definitely’; smacking noises; anything that deals with bodily fluids; use of the ‘n’ word; blatant disrespect; being loud in public to draw attention to yourself; girls that act like a stereotypical ‘dumb blonde’ for attention; typing in all caps; the same question being asked a million times (ex: is the MSC closed?); when people are disrespectful to their parents in front of other people; when people don’t clean up after themselves; oh, and the list goes on….

And despite me complaining about others who can’t seem to move on, there are some things that I can’t get over myself:

1. High school class rankings – this is such a long and depressing story that I am going to make an attempt to condense. Background: in eighth grade I made the decision that I was going to be the Valedictorian of my graduating class. I told all my teachers that as well as my friends. At the end of sophomore year when we received class rankings for the very first time, I was ranked number one. At the end of junior year when we received ranks again, I was still number one. End of the fall semester senior year, I had dropped to number two. When junior year had ended I had to make a decision: take band or AP Calculus. Competing for the top spot, the question seems like an obvious one, but I chose band. This was going to hurt my ranking simply because Calculus was weighted more than band. My plan to stay on top? I would take dual credit classes after school at the local community college, with the understanding that they would be dual credit. I got this approved through my counselor and went about senior year feeling on top of the world. Spring semester, senior year rolls around, and here I am trying to finalize all my college credits on my high school transcript. Problem: my high school had never had anyone take dual credit classes that were not offered through the high school, therefore had no rules on the weight of each class or even how to transfer them. They would have to make new rules, vote on them, and start them the following school year. Here I am, a few weeks from graduation, my Salutatorian speech in mind, and I find out that I am ranked third in my graduating class. I remember leaving the principal’s office, going to the bathroom and crying. I felt like my entire high school career, my extra work, the lack of social life outside of school, was completely wasted. I balled and balled and to this day I can’t get over the fact that I did not give a speech at graduation. It seems petty. No one will ever remember or even care who was what rank, but when you work that hard and that long for something, it’s hard to just let it go. Almost five years later, I haven’t.

2. The trouble with A&M – the details to this story are in a previous blog so I won’t repeat them. Despite the trouble I got in to, and how bad the department of Student Affairs has tried to make me look and sound I cannot look myself in the mirror and feel like I did something wrong. They want me to learn something from these incidents that happened while I was in the Corps, and I cannot legitimately say that I have learned anything or that I would have done something different. I can’t get over it because the fact is that on paper I am still currently in “Bad Standing” with A&M for conduct. If you care enough to read this blog, then you have an idea of how much I love this school and how much that bothers me. I think I’ll get over this one day, but I will always hold strong animosity against the Department of Student Affairs at A&M.

3. Narrow minded best friends – when I tell people I left my home county as a Hispanic Conservative and A&M turned me into a Liberal they are shocked. A&M really is not as conservative as people think, but that fact aside some of my very best friends are very conservative to the point of ignorance and it bothers me a lot. The part that is even harder to admit is that it is something I will never talk to them about because of how close I am with them. Yes, they are entitled to their opinion, but I know that if I had not had the experiences I have had here, there is no way they would even be my friends. Why does this standard change and why can’t I stand up for what I truly believe in, including myself? This is one of my weaknesses and hard to admit in writing that I don’t share beliefs with some of my very best friends, but for that reason I will never be able to get over it.

4. Taboo – several blogs have talked about “Taboo.” Taboo was that person who defined what it means to be crazy for someone, and who I fell hard for. Unfortunately they did not feel the same way and ended up cheating on me. Those of you who have been cheated on can relate. I have never felt this close with anyone, and over two years later, I still can’t get over it. If the chance presented itself to start over, despite that I say that I “don’t give second chances,” I would probably give them a second chance. I’m weak.

This blog closely aligns to the mood I am in. I am irritated. Things are supposed to be falling into place right now, but as the days pass by I am more and more unsure of what it is I want to do come January. I am also feeling sad. It’s hard to leave here and it’s hard to look back at all these things and take a step forward with full confidence that everything is going to be okay. I’m nervous, but excited. I’ve made the most out of my time here, but I feel like I will wish I would have spent more time with my friends, or with my organizations, or at work. I guess I’ll just have to get over it. Soon it’ll be time to move on.

Within the Realms of the Plaza

It’s about 4:30 in the afternoon on the second day of November 2009. I’m sitting here in Academic Plaza, looking around, and as usual, reflecting. I’m sitting under one of the oak trees on a bench. According to my phone it is 76 degrees outside, a very light breeze, with not a cloud in the sky. If I could define my adopted catch phrase “what a beautiful Aggie day,” I think today would be it. Some of the trees have begun to slightly change in color, as a Texas autumn sets it. The Century Oak stands majestically with its branches draping over the ‘forbidden’ sidewalk and bench. There are probably a total of ten students on the Plaza. Two fish walk nervously from the left corner of the Academic Building in front of the Sul Ross Statue. There’s a girl studying; a young couple laughing; and a guy lying on the bench from across the plaza. I sit here and type away. I left work early, and decided to come here before my Tuesday dinner tradition with my good friend Angie. Today is a very special day at Texas A&M: tonight we will have Silver Taps.

The tradition of Silver Taps is held on the first Tuesday of every month at 10:30 pm. It is a memorial-like event in which we honor a student or students who passed away in the previous month. Tonight we will honor Robert Davis Briggs, Aggie class of 2013. At 10:30, this Plaza will be filled with thousands of students, most of who never had the opportunity to meet Robert, but who will be there standing as members of his Aggie family. There will be a 21-gun salute and a song called “Silver Taps” played on the trumpet from the top of the Academic Building. Besides that, it is a time of reflection, prayer, and thought. There will be no speeches and no candles. Simply camaraderie and unity, as we share this unique experience together. Unique would be the best way to describe it, as no other school does anything like this. With a school of 49,000, I am constantly amazed at the community that exists here. Silver Taps is an example of that.

To my friends at Baylor, Texas, Oklahoma, and so on, you will never understand. You will earn a degree from a respectable school and you will give money back to your alma mater because of your memories and experiences. If you make enough money, maybe your school will honor you in some way. Maybe. That’s usually how it works, isn’t it? I was lucky enough to choose Texas A&M; a school where I can be myself, honor those around me, serve the greater good, and be successful, all in a day. I chose A&M, a school that will honor me not because I held a leadership position or because I made stellar grades, but simply because I walked the realms of Aggieland as a student. I will be honored because I am an Aggie, and it will be a legacy that will stay with me, literally for the rest of my life.

Be jealous, because it is something you can only experience once. You can have your great football team and expensive tuition. But thank God I’m an Aggie.

Those Lesbians....

It’s been a hectic day. I woke up, wrote a paper, went to campus, turned it in, got a haircut, swam 800 meters at the Rec, and now I’m in Phoenix. Whoa. My little brother will graduate from Marine Corps Boot Camp on Friday, and I couldn’t be prouder. I am so happy about the man that he has become and I am stoked about seeing him tomorrow. I’ll be in San Diego later tonight, and honestly, I am ready to hit the sack.

I had a really interesting conversation with a girl on the bus today when I was on my way home. I feel like it’s worth mentioning and reflecting about because so many people have a perception on Texas A&M and College Station, Texas. My experience in one sentence: I left high school voting Republican and considering myself conservative, and four years later I would say I am very liberal. Outsiders will tell you that that’s what happens when you go to college, but Texas A&M? Who would have thought?

Anyway, about this girl. She sat across from me on the bus. I didn’t get her name, but she had glasses, long black hair, tan skin, and informed me that it was her first year at A&M.

Assumption 1: she is Hispanic.

She had a rainbow umbrella, rainbow shoelaces, and a rainbow button on her backpack. I looked at her and smiled. I asked her if she was an activist. She was astonished that I was talking to her.

Assumption 2: She has never talked to a Corps guy before

Assumption 3: She is generally shy when meeting new people.

She replied that she wasn’t an activist but was proud of who she was. I smiled and said that I thought that was great. I asked her if she had watched President Obama’s speech at the Human Rights Campaign opening gala. She said that she didn’t own a TV, so she had not watched it. I talked a little about it and gave my opinion. The speech was great. It’s a step in the right direction for Human Rights activists, even though I feel like it’s taken a long time to get rid of, what I feel is, a primitive policy. She asked me why I thought people were so against this aspect equality, and my response was that people have a religious base for most of their arguments. She laughed and informed me she was Agnostic. I told her everyone is entitled to their own opinion and in my opinion, the important thing about life is to believe in something, whether it is a higher being, in yourself, in something that motivates you, etc. She looked at me and informed me she doesn’t believe in anything not even herself. I was immediately saddened to hear this. I questioned her more about herself, about why she came to A&M, about her major, and other things. I told her a little bit about myself, the Corps, and what I was doing for the rest of the semester. Then she asked me, “Are you a straight ally?” I thought about it and told her “no.” Then I said, “I’m in the same boat you are.” She smiled and lifted her fist for me to pound. I laughed and looked at the girl sitting a few seats next to us. She knew what we were talking about, and for the first time in my life I did not care. At this point, is it something I want to continue to hide from everyone? My best friends know, and to me, that is what matters.

Like Dr. Seuss said: “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

I feel like I have experienced some personal growth today and it makes me happy. To the girl on the bus, I enjoyed our conversation and I am glad that you can be yourself. You’ve inspired me to be more comfortable with the person that God made me.

The Optimism Blog

Over the past few months I have had my share of bad luck. Deaths, trouble, moments of depression, and just this past weekend someone steals my phone and wallet. Why me? Did I do something wrong? I’ve thought about it a lot and it is something that sincerely bothers me. Last night I spent a few hours on the phone with someone really special to me, hearing some things that I didn’t necessarily want to hear. A realist verses an optimist. It’s inevitable that there would be a clash of opinions, but the conversation made me realize again – I’m an optimist, and I’ve always known that. I’m taking a few steps back and reevaluating what I am doing and why I am doing it. I’m happy and I’m blessed. Sometimes it just takes a few negative encounters to reinforce that.

I am graduating in December. It’s crazy and I am working on my last nine hours this semester. Not a day goes by when I am not thankful that I’m an Aggie. Talking about it on a daily basis helps, which is why I love my job. No one who is not an Aggie will ever understand it. When I woke up this morning I walked into the kitchen to find one of my roommates sitting on the couch. He looked at me and said “It’s going to be a great day.” I laughed about it, as he talked about how that was something he told himself every day this summer while he was out of state for an internship. I left home with that attitude. As I was walking to class I was looking down in a world of my own. A girl out of the corner of my eye waves at me and says “Howdy.” I looked at her and she said it again. I didn’t know her. She looked back at me and said, “I was just saying howdy. I hope you have a great day.” I smiled; my day would be better because of her, and she will never know it. It gives me chills and sometimes tears to my eyes to talk about my Aggie experience. I don’t even understand it sometimes, and I admit to taking it for granted. I have given a huge part of my last four years to A&M, and despite hard times and some trouble I’ve gotten myself into I am very thankful for this experience. I will be led in the right direction. I will continue to make great memories. I will forever remember all of these things through the piece of gold wrapped around my finger. My best friends are all around me, and three of them live with me. Graduation can take it’s time, because I am in no hurry to get out here.

Optimism, optimism, optimism. It’s going to be a great day, and I’ll rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.

“There is nothing that will make you happier than simply being content in the moment you’re in. Enjoy the long wait, learn from the stress, love your enemy, and rejoice in the present. Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice; life is worth it.” -Me

My Aggie Bucket List

Over the summer I have been compiling my “Aggie Bucket List.” I have less than four months here in Aggieland, and there are a few key things I want to make sure I complete before I leave this December. I will post pictures to accompany every time I complete something. I’ve already done some of these things, but I just wanted to make sure it was all on here.
1. Spend time at Bonfire Memorial.
2. Leave a mark at the Chicken.
3. Start a tradition.
4. Stand under the Century Tree with someone I love.
5. Complete the Northgate Crawl.
6. Skydive in Aggieland.
7. Dunk my Aggie Ring.
8. Help someone find Aggieland.
9. Have a picnic in Academic Plaza.
10. BTHO tu!
11. Go pond hopping.
12. Visit the Observatory at the O&M Building.
13. Mug down at Midnight Yell Practice.
14. Tailgate before an Aggie football game.
15. Karaoke at O’Bannons.
16. Visit every building on campus.

Until next time, Gig 'Em.

The Crazy Thing About Crazy Feelings

The deployment came sooner than we both expected. We said we wouldn’t grow close to each other for the reason that we both knew it was coming. Deployment to Afghanistan, lasting seven months. Despite this fact days, evenings, and nights were spent together. The day came and I was left here alone. It was an inevitable thing that I knew was coming; but that still didn’t stop how much the days after sucked. And that was the end of May…

It’s funny how we meet people in the most random of situations. The people we feel like we know pretty well, turn out to be completely different than we imagined, both good and bad. I like country music and I am generally reserved guy. To meet someone later on in the summer who is the complete opposite: funny, an extrovert, does impersonations, hates country… Does this seem like more of an annoyance or just someone who is not like me at all? Looking back I can say that it definitely wasn’t an annoyance. We met, we hung out, spent one of the most amazing nights of my summer together. Dinner from Layne’s, watching “Romy and Michelle,” drinking Bud Lime. Going out to the pool, talking about our lives, our families, our schools, all while drinking some Jack and Coke. Making our way to the hot tub, more talking, then kissing there under the stars. It was a beautiful night, with an amazing person. Bedtime came at 4 AM. I was overwhelmed at how fast we grew close to each other and how comfortable I was. I am still overwhelmed several days later.

Stuff like this always happens to me. Good things never last. We hung out on one of the last days of summer, during a time when they were preparing to leave the state to return back to school. Back to Dartmouth University in New Hampshire. What does this all mean, if anything at all? The thoughts, the smile, the laugh, the goofiness that usually doesn’t leave me feeling this way. But here I am, constantly thinking about it. Am I crazy for thinking this way? Am I crazy for planning a trip to New Hampshire? I am thinking logically, because obviously there is more to consider here than a simple crush. I am hoping for something good, but staying real. The texts and phone calls throughout the day don’t appease a thing. They just make me realize that yes, I am going crazy for someone; a feeling I haven’t felt in a while.

Maybe crazy is a good thing after all.

Bro, it’ll be aight.

Marry You and Bury You

**I've been working on this post for over a month now. It's not an update of my complete summer, but a very important part of it. I hope to write again soon.**

I walked out of the Coke Building onto Academic Plaza. It’s a gloomy day, with the talk of rain yet no sightings, at least not by me. I walked over to the Sully statue and looked at. I searched my jeans and backpack for a penny but didn’t find one. I need all the luck I can get right now.

I walked around and looked at the various memorials there in the plaza. I had nowhere to be and had so many things on my mind; it’s been one of those days. To describe it more accurately, it’s been one of those “several weeks.” I found a bench and sat for a while. I looked around as people walked by, mainly freshmen as a New Student Conference was commencing. It was one of those moments when it would have been very appropriate to cry. Of course, I didn’t.

I used this time in the day to reflect. After several months of metaphorically running, non-stop, how ironic that I stop to think at the very location in which we reflect as a student body during Silver Taps. It was a comforting atmosphere and I stayed for a bit while I collected my thoughts. I thought about this last year and how great of an experience I had serving as the Commander for B Co. Its something that was on my mind constantly ever since I left for Boot Camp over a year ago. Now, I am being questioned and I wonder, if I had to do it again would I do anything differently. Maybe minor things, but overall, no.

This is not the answer others want to hear. By others I mean outsiders; people who don’t understand buddies, memories, good bull, and earning privileges in the Corps. I hold deep animosity towards those people right now because I know that they have not had an experience that has changed their everything from the way they act, the way they think, and the way they love. The Corps didn’t make up my entire undergraduate career, but was such an integral part of who I am today. I was blessed to have had this opportunity.

As I neared the end of the semester, I couldn’t have been happier with the way things were turning out. Then out of nowhere the drama begins. It was petty. Very petty but was the beginning of my string of bad luck that has yet to end. We had dropped with our freshmen, and they were only a few weeks away from earning their shirts. Then I get word that one of my fish is dating a senior in the band.
I ask this freshman, (we’ll call her “McKenza Stradford”), about this incident in which she denies and basically swears to my face that those accusations were simply rumors. Fine, I trust her, after all she is one of my fish. No more than thirty minutes later her rumored boyfriend comes to my room and basically tells me to lay off and let her be. Seriously? This opens the can of worms as the wild-fire of rumors spreads across the band that these two are in fact dating. This is not allowed, considered fraternization, and can’t really be stopped. HE tells HER to quit B Co, so she does, and does nothing or says nothing for fear that he may get kicked out of the Corps. As the rumor continues to spread in the weeks thereafter he decides to quit the Corps himself. Both of their reputations had been ruined, so what do they decide to take it out on everyone else. “McKenza” writes a letter in which she accuses several people of wrong doing and hazing. The “How McKenza Stradford was Hazed” investigation starts. It begins with me being removed from my position as Commander, not because I was found guilty of something, but because of the accusations. So much for American ideals.

This was the end of my year. I remained optimistic because another Commander had already been chosen for next year, all my buddies helped me out through the end of the year, and there wasn’t too much to worry about at this point. We marched Final Review and spent the very last time together as a class. We didn’t know it then, but it really was the last time we would all be together.
I stayed in College Station after Final Review. I worked and just hung out with my other buddies who were also still in town. I moved in to my very first apartment on Friday, May 22. We spent the entire day getting out of the dorm and getting situated in our four bedroom at The Heights. I spent the night in my own room and with my own bathroom.

At about 6 AM the next morning I felt someone open my door. I woke up and looked to see Dalton, one of my roommates and buddies standing in my doorway. He told me to get up. I looked at him like he was crazy, still half asleep. He walked into the living room and I reluctantly got up and followed him up. My other roommate, Elliot, was already out there. What Dalton said next would change our lives forever: Jon had gotten in a wreck and passed away during the night.

I honestly did not know how to react. I was dumbfounded and I couldn’t think straight. I didn’t know what to say or what to do next. The next thing we did was call the rest of our buddies to let them know. It didn’t set in until I called Pedro. As he received the news he began to cry and for the first time so did I. He’s doing an internship in Kentucky and I held the phone to my ear for several minutes as we both cried together. As much as I wanted to say something, there was nothing I could say to make him feel better. We hung up and the three of us there continued to call the rest of our 19 buddies. The ones out of town, we told. The ones in College Station, we told to come to the apartment. We would tell them the news in person.
The rest of the morning dragged on as we sat around waiting on more details. People came and went as we remembered Jon and did our best to keep our spirits high. We learned later that weekend that Jon had been out with some friends and was returning to Somerville. He flipped his truck and he wasn’t wearing his seat belt. His passenger walked away from the accident. A lot of tears were shed that weekend. We would laugh and enjoy having each other there, but we were all feeling the same thing.

The funeral was set for Wednesday, May 27. We planned an on campus vigil for Monday, a Rosary was set for Tuesday, and we could experience our buddy’s funeral on Wednesday. It was a lot to take in, and even today, I don’t think we are all over it. The first priority in planning was making sure that all of our buddies were able to get back to College Station for the funeral. Everyone was in Texas except Pedro, who was at an internship in Kentucky; Eric, who went home to Wisconsin; and Cindy, who was doing Army training in Alabama. The problem with the first two was finances. An emergency plane ticket was not going to be cheap, so I made a phone call to the Aggie Band Association. One phone call to the director of the organization, asking for some guidance; he paid for both plane tickets, no questions asked. The problem with Cindy would be the fact that the military was not going to let her out; that is unless a General called them to explain the situation. That is exactly what happened, as General Van Alstyne, the Commandant of the Corps called her unit and told them to allow her to leave. For the first time, in a long time, all of the buddies were together.

Monday would be the first opportunity we would have to visit Jon in the funeral home. I remember walking in to the funeral home and seeing Jon’s casket open in the distance. I got a sick feeling to my stomach as the truth set in. He was in his midnights and surrounded by all his Aggie stuff. We cried and cried together, as one class. As we came back to College Station it was a very silent car ride. No one had much to say after seeing our buddy like that. We had the vigil in the band hall later that evening. The buddies organized it, and a few of us said some things. As we were waiting for the vigil to start the Urbanosky family showed up. We hadn’t seen them since we had first heard the news. Immediately Mrs. Urbanosky (or Mama U as we call her) broke down. She gave us all big hugs as we cried in each other’s arms. It was a beautiful vigil with about 300 people present. We laughed, sang the Spirit of Aggieland, and thanked God for allowing Jon to be a part of our lives. I’ll never forget that night.

The funeral took place Wednesday morning in Frenstat, Texas. We met for lunch at Casa Rodriguez wearing B’s and T’s. Casa Rod is a restaurant in Bryan that we have been going to since our freshmen year. The owners and waitresses there know our names, and even some know what we order. We had talked about going there in B’s and T’s and taking a picture to give to them because they’ve supported us a lot through the years. Unfortunately, we never took that picture, but we felt it was fitting to go there together, one last time. We drove out to Frenstat a little early and waited there with the family. Mama U wanted us to do a saber arch for Jon. We practiced some before and felt as if we were ready to go. As soon as I got the cue from the priest to start, I choked up as I called a ‘forward march.’ As they pushed the casket in my knees got weak. I called the sabers down half crying and immediately sat down, put my head in my knees and balled. Balled like a baby, balled next to my buddies, and balled for my buddy who I would be burying that day. The church filled up quickly, and many people had to stand outside. The support was appreciated by his family, and by his second family, all the buddies. We buried him at a private family cemetery and said thank you to all the friends, fellow Corps members, and family who came to the funeral. A lot of my fish were there, as were a lot of my seniors. We introduced both classes together so my fish have met their “grand-zips.” We smiled as much as we could trying to be happy in each other’s company. I hugged my fish and told them to take care of each other, through a cracked voice. I don’t know if I have ever cried so much in my life. To the fellow Corps members who read this, it will all make complete sense: what a buddy is, why it was such a big deal, etc. All 22 buddies sat with the family during the funeral. We were treated as if he was our blood brother, and I felt like I was. I lost my brother, my buddy, my friend, and all of us felt the same way.

Over four years ago when we joined the Corps, we looked to our left and right as we were told that these were the guys and girls we would “marry and bury.” We’ve done both. Death is an inevitable fact of life, but it hurts me to this day to think about it. I am grateful for the group of friends I have met through my experience in B Co. It’s sad to say that not everyone’s Corps experience is like mine, but I am blessed to have the buddies that I have. Jon Urbanosky was one of them. I love you buddy, and you will forever have a special place in my life. To the amazing person that Jon was, here’s to you.

25 Things

25 Things
I was bored at work....


Even though this is the 2009th thing I should be doing right now, I finally gave in and decided to post one. Here we go:

1. I was adopted when I was four by my aunt Virginia. She raised me, my brother (age 17), and my sister (age 19) as well as her own six kids. Total of nine, I am the oldest.

2. I went to Paradise High School and absolutely hated it. I don’t talk to many people from high school, and have met most of my best friends here at A&M. The only thing I miss from high school is my extracurriculars, especially LD Debate. Yea, I’m a nerd.

3. I am a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps. Most people are surprised when I tell them I am a Marine. It doesn’t define me, but is a very important part of my life. I am currently working on a contract with the intent to commission as a 2nd Lieutenant as soon as I graduate. It is something I have been trying to do for 3 ½ years and it is finally happening.

4. I applied to nine colleges. Three years of high school I could have told anyone I was positive I was going to Baylor. A private, Christian university is where I saw myself until my Marine recruiter told me to look at A&M. He forced me to apply and here I am. I never visited campus until I was at my New Student Conference. This goes to show that everything really does happen for a reason. I cringe at the fact that I almost went somewhere else. No other school compares, and it is something only Aggies understand.

5. I have met the love of my life. She is one of my very best friends and will always be that. Her name is Desiree, she goes to UNT, and despite the long distance we still manage to talk regularly. (most of the time) She inspires me and is someone I know will always be in my life. I met her back in 2001 and we’ve been close friends ever since. This is someone I could grow old with (as friends) just because we are so compatible. She’s a bird, and I’m a bird.

6. When I was in high school I wanted to go to medical school and be an Ob/Gyn. Then in Anatomy we watched the ‘Miracle of Life’ and I decided I would be a Liberal Arts student. This may sound crazy, but I think pregnancy is a little gross.

7. One of my biggest pet peeves is anything that deals with bodily fluids/functions, from talking about it, to doing it, I just hate it. I even hate tears. Other pet peeves include lack of organization, ignorance, typing in all caps, ignorance, and misspelling the word “definitely.”

8. I’m 5’2” and weigh 110 pounds. I’m not a very big guy, but I am by no means weak. I think I have proved my strength on several occasions, and even though many underestimate what I can do, they are left surprised.

9. I hate inappropriate jokes, and love corny ones. It isn’t hard to make me laugh. Many times I laugh when no one else does. Also, many times I am the last one still laughing.

10. My first pet was a dog named Taco that I had when I was four. My dad brought him home one afternoon, and he was hit by a car the next morning. This is one of the few memories I have of my dad.

11. I secretly wanted to be a “Zoom” kid growing up, even into high school. Those kids knew so much stuff. I was a bit jealous.

12. I have a list of things I want to do before I die. It has about twenty things on it right now. I got the idea from the movie “A Walk to Remember,” but I call it my Bucket List. It has things on it like teach high school, visit all fifty states, do mission work abroad, raise a child, learn to play the violin, etc.

13. My passion lies here at Texas A&M. For that reason I am not ready to graduate and not ready to leave the Corps. My best friends are here, my life is here, my work is here, and it is here I hope to end up someday. I hope I have left a legacy not only through the Corps but through the students I talk to at the Visitor Center on a daily basis.

14. I can’t wait to have kids. I want five boys.

15. My inbox on Facebook always says I have at least two unread messages, despite the fact that I don’t. It bothers me and gives me chills when I think about it. I’m slightly OCD as well…

16. When I got my Aggie Ring, I dunked it in Sol, a Mexican beer. I threw up several times and finished in a very embarrassing 27 minutes. I still get made fun of to this day.

17. I came to A&M very conservative. I would now say I am pretty liberal.

18. My biggest fear is being helpless in a time of need.

19. I have many nicknames from Coconut, Ninja, Little Pocket, Dan, Danno, Art, Arty, and the list goes on.

20. I used to be very worried about being rich. For the reason I wanted to be an Ob/Gyn and then that changed to a lawyer. Now I want to be in the Marine Corps, teach high school, and work for Texas A&M someday. Not that those are the only things I will do but I will do those things. Money is not important to me because I know I will be provided with everything I need to be happy.

21. You won’t ever hear me say “I can’t wait for tomorrow” or “I can’t wait for the weekend.” I live every day in the moment. This is something that I have been making an extreme effort to do for the past five months. Why wish the days away?

22. When I was a kid I would create fantasy stories or try to direct plays that involved my siblings and cousins for entertainment. If the story included a store, I was the owner. If it included a school, I was the teacher. If it included the Power Rangers, I was the white one.

23. I’ve struggled “finding myself” just as most college students have. It is a fight that I can say I am very close to winning. It took me going on a church retreat last semester to understand something that is so simple: everything happens for a reason. We fight and fight, and end up losing. Then we become disappointed in our loss. We are all so caught up in making everything concrete and “crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s” when in reality what is supposed to happen will happen, so there is no use worrying about it. It took me a long time to get to this point, but I can now honestly say I surrender to my maker. He made me who I am today and he wants me to be happy, so I will do just that.

24. It took me about two weeks to finish this. I typed it in Word and kept it on my desktop so when I had free time I would add a new one. I didn’t go in order, but would just fill in the numbers randomly. I knew what 1 would be, and I knew what 25 would be. Everything else is on a whim.

25. I can’t believe I am a senior in college. I have no idea where my last eight semesters went, and I am cherishing every last moment I have here in the Promised Land with all my friends, and especially my buddies. Texas A&M and the experiences I have been given have made me who I am today. I hope I have left some sort of legacy, and I can’t wait to give back later on in my life. I could die happy today because there is nothing I do not love about my life. Great family, great friends, great school, and guided by a marvelous God. One word describes it all: blessed.

And for that, I am thankful.

Thanks and Gig 'Em.

'09 -- More than just a Whoop

It's the last day of 2008. I've been home for almost two weeks and I will head back to College Station this weekend. It's been a good visit. My allergies have bothered me every day that I've been here, but that's normal. We had Christmas; a rosary on Christmas Eve, with gift opening afterwards. Of course our Christmas Eve tradition would not be complete without my family messing up the traditional praise songs and making inappropriate jokes about the gifts afterward. It makes me laugh and I sit back and wonder if this is the first year we've celebrated Christmas this way. It's not; it's actually something we've done since before I was even born, which makes it funnier. I haven't worked while I've been here, and there is no bowl game to worry about this year. Thanks Ags. I've done my best not to think too much about Corps stuff but if you know me you know that is not an easy feat. I work on something every day, even if it's just for a little bit. But it's all almost over.

2009. Whoop!

2009. Its really here. That year seemed so far off into the distance, and now it's less than a few hours away. It's the year where I will make a lot of decision that will impact the rest of my life. Should I stay or should I go? It's the year where chapters of my life story will end and new ones will begin. The end of the Corps. The end of my undergraduate career at Texas A&M. The beginning of many other things. So much to think about. Where to begin…

Past:

FRIENDS. It has been an amazing year. I have been blessed with many new friends, but more importantly kept a lot of the same ones. Angie and Diany; two of my closest friends who I can rely on for anything. From our meeting at Fish Camp back in 2005, all three of us will graduate this year.

BUDDIES. I have had the unique opportunity to be a member of the Corps of Cadets, the Aggie Band, and B Company. I have met my best friends – guys and girls I will be able to count on for the rest of my life. My brothers and sisters. How blessed I am to have them all in my life. Mari got married this year. Josh and Olivia both got engaged, Josh a few days ago, Olivia a week or so ago. Josh asked me to be his best man. A few others are planning on tying the knot…maybe. Two Street Fighters have already joined the ranks, little Matthew James and Ella Rodriguez. I can't even imagine getting together five years down the road and seeing everyone older, a little more weight put on, married with kids. We have a semester left together, and I have no doubt that in that time we will make some awesome memories. I can wait for it to be over and I'm not wishing it away.

LAST ON KYLE. My last game on Kyle was November 1, even though everyone else's was a week later. Unfortunately I had drill with my unit the weekend of the last home game. Also during that weekend was Marine Corps Ball. I remember sitting in the hotel about to get ready for the ball. It was the second quarter and the Ags were behind – we were playing OU. I decided to text all my buddies throughout the band, just basically telling them good luck, to enjoy it, and to remember it forever. A few texted me back and we had brief text conversations about it, and about what I was doing. My date to the ball had recently informed me that her bronchitis had gotten worse and she would not be able to make it to the ball. I was going stag to my first Marine Corps Ball. At that point it was close to half time, and Riley, a buddy from A Co told me he would call me right before halftime and would put the phone in his pocket so I could listen. It sounds cheesy but it was one of the coolest things anyone had ever done for me. I heard the run up, Colonel Brewer's speech to the seniors, and the entire halftime show. Although my last physical time on Kyle was the game before I felt like I was there with my buddies. After the half was over there was more expressed sympathy about me not having a date. I was getting ready to leave the hotel room when Riley informed me that he would be driving Mary Ann, (my Executive Officer) to the Ball to be my date. They would leave a bit early from the game and drive to Waco as Mary got ready in the car. I couldn't believe it. When I told Colonel Brewer, (one of my band directors and B Company class of '81), the story and told him how I couldn't believe it, he simply replied, "I can." Those are my buddies and that's how far they were willing to go for me. It turned very quickly from what could've been a bad night, to one of the best nights of my life. I had a blast, talked to an old Street Fighter, Class of '01, who is the wife of my Platoon Sergeant, had a nice dinner, and drank the all you can drink beer, for free. This experience combined was my last time on Kyle. I'll never forget it.

GOD. A friend of mine, David Lugo, (not to be confused with my buddy, David Lugo), has been signing me up for this Catholic retreat called Aggie Awakening (AA). So many people sign up that it is done on a lottery system. For this fall's retreat, I made the list. The retreat would take place during our only free weekend of the semester. After much thought and much convincing by my roommate who had gone to AA before, I decided to commit myself to this retreat for the weekend. I paid the dues and started to become a little uneasy about it. I just didn't know what to expect. I went on the retreat. Day one, I was there, going through the motions, not really feeling it. Day two, more and more retreaters were really feeling the Lord. I could see it in their eyes, and I was jealous of the fire they had for God. I however, couldn't do it. I couldn't surrender; I couldn't exclaim how excited I was. Honestly, I wasn't and I felt bad that I would go back to campus and tell my roommate and David that AA was not what I thought it would be. Day three came and I was there. It took some talking, some thinking, some prayer, and finally, FINALLY, I was able to say I surrender. It was a simple conversation on the topic of inner struggles. My problem was that I could not let go of everything that was going on back on campus and everything that I was struggling with on a personal level. There was so much on my mind that I was not devoting myself in the moment to God. After I did, and after I let go, things were so much simpler. The point was that I have been fighting all of these external factors, and have ended up disappointed because I have always ended up losing these fights. I need to let things work out the way they are supposed to and not worry so much. Things happen for a reason, and it's ridiculous to get worked up about petty details. I should live life with a fluid plan. Goals of course, but room for change. I just need to be me and be happy with who I am. It is simple. There is nothing eye opening about what I've said yet so many of us struggle with this and struggle with letting go. I'm not perfect and I forget this fact on a daily basis, but I am learning and I can honestly say that I have surrendered.

Present:

FAMILY. When I arrived home from College Station the only ones here were my Grandma and a few of the younger kids. I sat at the table eating, while my Grandma told me stories about my mom and dad. I try to imagine what they were like and who they would be today. My dad seems like a rebel who liked getting into trouble. Definitely my brother. My mom seemed like a shy, gentle woman. That's my sister. Where do I fit in? Probably more like my mom, although I still have some rebellious traits, though not many. My family is so unique and I love being here with them and watching them interact. My aunt, 38 years old with nine kids; three adopted and six of her own. What an amazing woman. After being gone all summer I thought a lot about my family and pledged to talk to them more and visit more. The visiting has been hard, given there are no free weekends in the semester. I've talked with them constantly though, and I feel they are just as active in my life as if we were only a few minutes away, not four hours. I am blessed with a caring and supportive family who loves me to death and would go to the ends of the world for me. I would do the same for them.

B COMPANY. My other family, my other home, my life and my love. Never as a freshmen did I see myself as the B Company Commander, yet that's where I am now. I didn't get here just on my shear motivation, but on the motivation of my buddies, friends, and family. I have 25 freshmen who are frikin' awesome. The most fulfilling thing about the Corps is watching people develop. I love the lifestyle and sometimes it is something I can't get enough of. My A&M experience can be defined by a lot of things, but mainly B Company. It has made me who I am today, and for that I am very thankful.

OMC WACO. I have been "in" the Marine Corps about six months now with my unit being the Ordnance Maintenance Company in Waco, Texas. I am working as an armor, and honestly I am not enjoying it too much. We'll see what happens this next year, but I am almost positive that being an armor is not what I want to do. I just got put there by my recruiter and there is no way to change it. It's a bit disappointing but I guess it's not the end of the world.

Future:

GRADUATION. I'm sad to write that I will be graduating in December 2009, less than a year away. I wish I could be in Aggieland forever, but I guess all good things have to come to an end. I hate clichés, lol.

MARINE CORPS. After I graduate I have two options, possibly three. I can stay reserves, go to Graduate School, get a civilian job, or go overseas. Option two is to go active in the Marine Corps and see where that takes me. Option three involves me getting an Officer contract and seeing where that goes. That's what I would like to go, but as we know, I haven't had much luck getting a contract. We'll see what 2009 has in store.

GRAD SCHOOL. Graduate school is an option either after graduation or in the future. I would like to teach and then go to grad school to get my Master's in Education Administration to be a Principal and then eventually a Superintendent. Like I mentioned before, a fluid plan. Nothing set in stone.

LOVE. What is a reflection blog without mention of the l-word. I have let myself get close to being with someone with the possibility of falling in love, but never past that "maybe." Maybe I am selfish in this regard. I honestly don't see myself getting married or settling down in the next ten years. Maybe things will change or someone will come along, but knowing me, (and I know me pretty well), I just feel like I am too independent to commit myself wholly to someone else. My "taboo" came back into my life as friends, and ended badly, yet again. It was my fault because I didn't listen to my friends who warned me otherwise. Some people never change.

2009 Resolutions

I think I say this every year, but I want to write more.

Read a book, for fun.

Go to Mexico, and visit family.

Gain some weight and continue to work out.

Try to get an officer contract with the Marines.

"Days go by. I can see them flying like my hand out the window in the wind." I'm enjoying my time, especially time spent in Aggieland. I only have a year left as an undergraduate, as a member of the 12th Man, and only a semester left in the Corps. As we all now, one year is not very much time. I'm cherishing all my 'lasts': time with buddies, friends, at work, with the RV's, with my fish, and with the rest of B Company.

To a good year, filled with much hope and many blessings. 2009, here we come.

Get a lot louder. Ay, Ay sir. Ooh-Rah Marine Corps. Kill.

Most of my blogs start this way: It's been a while since I've written. This one is no different, however this time it's been over six months. Of course, as in anyone's life, a lot has happened in that time span. I've made some life changing decisions, met new friends, experienced failure, questioned life, and been successful. This blog is, in a way, a summary of my year, and my hopes for 2009. In my last blog I wrote about the end of the spring semester, the end of my junior year, and my departure for Boot Camp. There were a lot of feelings put into that blog that I'll update:

Student Body President: I decided not to run. Time spent on a campaign is time spent away from B Co. Not worth it, in my opinion.

A&M Graduation: December 2009. Sooner than I had hoped. They won't let me triple major or triple minor. They are basically kicking me out. Oh well. Marine Corps, here I come.

Boot Camp: Sigh. Where do I begin? I arrived to the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />San Diego, California on May 19th. I was there until my graduation on August 15th. Thirteen weeks of…a lot of things. Boredom for sure, but mainly memories. I was in a platoon of about 60 guys from all over the west of the Mississippi. Honestly, I have never met so many dumbasses in one place in my life. Not that everyone there was a dumb ass, there were just a lot of them there. High school drop outs, coke addicts, ASVAB waivers, etc. It was interesting to say the least.

I was very critical of 'boot camp' for several reasons. One, because of everything you hear; after all it is Marine Corps Boot Camp, right? Second, because of my experience in the Corps of Cadets, I have seen three different sets of direct trainers, so as toolish as it sounds, I was excited to see the training styles, hear the words and phrases used, watch the interaction, etc., of the drill instructors. Looking back I must say I am a little bit disappointed at the lack of command presence, unorganized, and tacky way the drill instructors approached training us. I was not impressed, I was not intimidated, and questioned if they knew what they were talking about sometimes. The root of the problem existed because there wasn't anyone really giving them any feedback, there were three of them for sixty recruits, and there was an obvious lack of communication between the senior drill instructor and the other drill instructors. I know, I know; its ridiculous to think about stuff like that, to that extent, but that's what the Corps has taught me to do. And not only that, I can honestly say that fish year in the Corps was a lot harder than boot camp. My biggest challenge at boot was the lack of communication with the outside world. I did not know what was going on and how everyone was doing until I received a letter in the mail. Mail call was the best, especially when I got mail, and even more when it was a postcard from Aggieland that my friends from work would send.

When you first arrive to Boot Camp they make you get out of the bus and line up on the famous yellow footprints. From there, the fun begins. For the next 36 hours I was up getting processed. It was nothing intense, just a lot of admin stuff from paperwork, information sessions, health exams, haircuts, gear issue, etc. We strip down and get issued everything from socks, to underwear, to the stuff we will wear on a regular basis. For the rest of that week we lived off of sack lunches, or "bag nasties" as they are called on the Recruit Depot. I remember thinking how simple boot camp was, that very first week. On that Friday ("Black Friday") we get moved from our receiving platoon, to the platoon we will be in for the rest of the summer. It is then that we meet our DI's for the very first time; the Drill Instructors of India Company, Platoon 3210.

My DI's were three very different Marines. DI Sergeant Mast was about 6'3" and skinny as hell. He received two purple hearts in Iraq, was single, and his civilian attire consisted of a hoody, a pair of Dickies and some Vans. He seemed like a very chill guy, outside of being a DI of course. He was not loud, or intimidating for that matter, he was just very, very, annoying. Some of his favorite phrases included "Open your girlish mouths" "I'm gonna pop your little hearts" "You want to move slow? Good. Run." and "We get that, right?" I've adopted some of those phrases for my personal use. J

Then there was DI Sergeant Jones. This guy was about 5'5" and our platoon was his very first group of recruits to train. You could tell he was new, especially when he would tell us, "Listen up….so….I fucked up, alright?" Another thing he commonly said was "friggin damn" when referring to anything really. Then there was the crazy spurts of intensity that would come out of nowhere without a purpose. It was interesting watching this guy's veins pop out of his head. I would seriously laugh out loud sometimes, but luckily never got caught.

And I can't forget to mention DI Staff Sergeant Lentz. (Now Gunnery Sergeant) This guy was a complete bad ass. He was infantry, and who knows how many tours he had already served overseas. He had a lot of stories to tell, taught us the most, was definitely the most intimidating, and definitely did not care about what anybody else had to say. I have to say he was my favorite DI, just because of how much he treated me like crap. One of my favorite DI SSGT Lentz conversations:

DI SSGT Lentz: "Recruit Hill, do you remember your first blow job?"

Recruit Hill: "Yes sir" (With a smile)

Di SSGT Lentz: "Ah you do, so tell me, what did it taste like?"

Of course everyone busts out laughing. They were an interesting trio. I was put on double rations for my duration at Boot Camp. Double rations mean I wear a special tag on my blouse that meant I got double portions every meal. Everyone was envious of this tag; I hated it. I was put on double rats because I "could probably hula-hoop a Cheerio" according to one of my DI's. I weighed 105 at the beginning of Boot Camp and gained about 10 pounds, despite how much food I would eat. A normal breakfast would consist of cereal, double eggs, double bacon, some kind of pastry, 3-4 pancakes, fruit, yogurt, hash browns, milk, and several packages of peanut butter. And, when they caught me not eating it, I would have to eat cottage cheese as well. You can probably imagine how disgusting I felt. And then, for kicks, sometimes my Senior DI would make me go back and get "seconds." I would stare at him, see a very small smile on his face, and say 'ay ay sir' as I walked away, very pissed off. You can't even imagine. Needless to say, I now weigh about the same I weighed at the beginning of Boot. Oh well.

If you are the Guide (the flag carrier for the platoon) or one of the four squad leaders you get automatically promoted. I was neither and had no intention to be one of them. These five positions are the so-called 'leadership' positions. To me it was a huge game of politics in which you are sometimes required to turn your back on the rest of the recruits in your platoon just to gain order. I was already going to be promoted so I decided to do something else. I was the prayer leader for my platoon as well as one of the scribes. As prayer leader I got to lead the platoon every night in a little bit of devotion. It was a great experience and something new for me. I got to see a different side of my fellow recruits as well as I served as a mentor-like figure. Looking back this is probably attributed to more than just me being a prayer leader. I was also older than most of the guys there. Not the oldest, but most of these guys were 18-19, and never been away from home. You can imagine the mental hardships that these guys faced; one that I did not face, having been away from home for three years already. I heard much talk about suicide, recruits wanting to leave, recruits second-guessing their decision to join, recruits talking about how they were going to treat their mom/dad/girlfriend, etc. better when they got home, and so on. The discipline transition in these guys was probably the most interesting to watch throughout the summer. Some of these guys had kids, were married, had been in jail, etc. Honestly, I did not feel like I fit in, and I probably didn't. I remember writing to some of my friends longing for an intellectual conversation, longing for some literature, longing for someone to inspire me. Those things never came from my fellow recruits. I keep in touch with a few of the guys from the summer, but not many and of those I do talk to, it is brief wall posts or messages on Facebook. The one guy I do talk to on the phone every now and then is a guy named Michael Dunn.

It took me a few weeks to understand Recruit Dunn. He was a high school dropout from Oklahoma who was looking for a change in his life. I remember one day him and I were told to mop our barracks so we were there cleaning, and we started talking about our lives. He told me about all his tattoos, his partying lifestyle, and how he did cocaine the night before he left for boot camp, took some drink to flush his system, and got through just fine. I was shocked and asked a lot of questions. I have never even seen drugs in my life, so it was interesting to talk to someone who had basically tried every drug on the face of the earth. He taught me a lot of the terminology with humor, for he couldn't believe that I didn't know so much (apparently). I told him about my life, my upbringing, my morals, and my plan for the future. We were a very unlikely pair, but we became really good friends through our 13 weeks in California, through our conversations and because we were both the scribes for our platoon. He came in weighing about 110 and left boot at about 135. The double rats had worked for him. One thing we did have in common was our love for quotes, mainly Thoreau. His mom would send him some quotes to help get him through, and he would share those with me. I would write them down and look at them from time to time. Those are now things I share with my freshmen in B Company.

A recollection of boot would not be complete without mentioning Recruit Zhou who made us laugh throughout the summer, most of the time not on purpose.

Recruit Zhou, from San Francisco, Cali. A 96 pound, Asian guy, who could not speak English very well, and who had a 23" waist. For once I was not the small guy. I was the shortest, but definitely not the most incompetent or weakest. Not that Zhou was – he just struggled. A lot. There are two memories that I enjoy talking about from Zhou. One was during the Crucible when we paired up and boxed. I was paired with the only other small guy in the platoon, Recruit Zhou. One of the Chief DI's there took me aside and told me that he wanted to see Zhou on the ground, or it was my ass that would stay in the ring. Well, let me say I had a good time upper-cutting Zhou until he couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't on the ground, just leaning against the wall in a half-fetal position. I thought it was hilarious. The other memory is after one of the hikes. There is this thing called the "Silver Bullet" which is a suppository they give you if you become dehydrated. Well, Zhou got dehydrated, probably about five times throughout the summer. After one particular hike, a DI from another platoon asked Zhou how he liked having things shoved up his ass. Zhou replies, in his strong Asian accent, "It was nothing, sir." One of the funniest things I had ever heard. Recruit Zhou is now in Okinawa, Japan, serving as a Private First Class in the US Marine Corps.

From hearing conversations about the distribution of Vicadin in exchange for certain fire watch hours, to laying in bed at the position of attention listening to Taps being played and thinking of Aggieland, Boot Camp brought many memories, and helped me realize a lot about myself. I am a lot more mature than I thought I was. I don't let my guard down very easily, and it is hard to open up to people I don't know. No, boot camp wasn't hard, but like hell would I do it again. It wasn't all that I had made it out to be, and for that I cherish my experiences with the A&M Corps a lot more. I cherish my fish year, growing, learning, and maturing in B Co, and my times spent with the Ross Volunteers and running marathons. I am glad I went to Boot Camp simply because I've wanted to be a Marine for many years now, and now I can say that I am one. I am a US Marine and no one will ever be able to take that title away from me. Its not exactly what I wanted, but it's a step in the right direction.

My aunt, uncle, brother, and sister flew out to my graduation. It was great seeing them and having them bring to me some very important items: my cell phone and my Aggie Ring. About three hours after graduation I got onto a plane and came back to Texas after all this time. I looked at the Recruit Depot from above in the airplane and I was so happy to be getting out of there. Facebook, email, television, soda, pizza, my friends and family awaited me back in Texas. I arrived home Friday night, August 15th and was awaited by members of my family and my first home-cooked meal since the spring. The next day I left, drove to Waco, checked in to my unit, and drove to College Station, my other home, where 25 freshmen, and my buddies waited for my return.

What a beautiful, beautiful day.

Get some. Semper Fi.

You're Gonna Miss This

A few hours remaining. I am sitting in my living room at my house in Paradise. Everyone around me is doing something – cooking, cleaning, watching t.v., playing video games…I sit here typing on my laptop. I'm gonna miss this...

I went to my high school the other day. Saw some teachers, old friends; walked through the halls, the parking lots, the classrooms. I miss it.

Final Review. The last day of the Corps for the year. This summer is my first summer away from College Station. I have not been away from College Station over one month ever since August 2005. Texas A&M has been my home away from home. Where my best friends are. It's where my "family" is – my brothers and sisters in B Co. I went to Rudder one last time – where I work and spend a large part of my time. I walked through some of my favorite parts of campus: Academic Plaza, by Kyle Field, the Quad. After everyone was out of the dorm I walked through 4th Stoop, one last time. It was surreal. Even though I'll be back in the fall, I knew, I was gonna miss this. Hell, I already do.

This semester. Crazy. Triumphs. Failure. Success. Definitely a learning experience, just like everything I've gone through during my career at A&M. I only took twelve hours. Ended up with a disappointing 3.0. I made an unexpected C in a class I expected to get an A. I made Commander of B Company. I did not make Fish Camp counselor. In the end, I realized once again that everything does work out for a reason. This summer, like planned, I will be going to Marine Corps Boot Camp in San Diego, California. I am leaving – tonight. My graduation, as of now, is set for August 15th. I am missing the first part of FOW, which I was extremely pissed off about. I have my buddies that will take care of everything while I'm gone; however I just really wanted to be there when the freshmen arrived. It's a sacrifice that I have to make, but I have no doubt that everything will be taken care of until I get there. I am a bit nervous about Boot Camp. Its nervousness mixed with excitement. It will be interesting to see how everything plays out. I've read and heard a lot of stories, so it'll be fun to get to fully experience it.

After Boot Camp it's back to school. I am a senior now. A senior. A SENIOR! I still can't believe that I have been in college for 3 years. Like a year ago, I am still not ready to be done. I am trying to extend it to five years as much as I can, for a few reasons: so I can live like a normal student. Another possible reason is that I have been thinking about running for Student Body President. It would be my fifth year, so I wouldn't have to Corps commitments. It seems like something I would really like to do, and I have already had several people who would like to be a part of my campaign. It seems like an exciting experience, whether I win or not. It's a year away, but planning has to start at the latest, by September. I guess we'll see.

For about five years now I have been compiling a list of things I want to do before I die. My main new year's resolution was to work on this list, updating it, and adding to it. I was inspired to do this by, as gay as it sounds, the movie "A Walk to Remember." The main character has a list, similar to the one I am compiling, of things she wants to do before she dies, because she has leukemia. Well anyway, I was re-inspired by a preview from the new movie "The Bucket List:, and I decided to work on it. This is mainly so I have it written somewhere where I can look at it. I'll add to it periodically. Here is what I have so far:

1. Visit all 50 states.

2. Serve in the Marine Corps.

3. Swim with dolphins.

4. Get a 4.0 at least one semester.

5. Get a Master's degree.

6. Start a scholarship fund.

7. Write a book.

8. Run a marathon.

9. Max the Marine Corps physical fitness test.

10. Six-pack abs.

11. Spend at least a month in Mexico with my family.

12. Spend a year in another country.

13. Do mission work or some kind of rebuilding in Africa.

14. Skydive.

15. Build my aunt a house.

16. Give money back to A&M.

17. Raise a child

18. Teach

Now I am just trying to savor up every aspect of my life. Spending time with my family My time in the Marines. My senior year. My job. And most importantly, B Company. As much as I hated high school, I do miss it. As much as I love college, I can't even imagine how I will feel once its over. Until August, God Bless and Gig 'Em!

Inspired by the song "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins

Santa Clause is Coming to Town

How creepy is that? An old man, from God knows where, is coming to a town near you, sneaking into your house at night, and eating your food. He knows when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, and he knows if you've been bad or good. Creepy. Yea, this is only me reading into things way too much, but I've hated that song for a long time. Santa seems like a pervert.

Christmas is a few days away. Like every year, I am home with the family. I've been here a little over a week now, and it's been nice to relax, even though I still don't think I know what that means. I can't stop thinking about the Corps. Yes, I know that's sad, but after a very tough semester, it is very important that I begin to think of these things. This semester, academically, it didn't go so well. I ended up with below a 3.0 so I felt a little hypocritical. I stress grades so much with everyone in the outfit, and then I don't perform myself. I didn't do horrible I suppose, I just didn't achieve my goal. I could blame it on everything I have on my plate, but that's no excuse either. I applied for Commander. Well, I very hesitantly and thoughtfully applied for Commander. No one else applied, and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. I would love to be the Commander of B-Company. There are few things that I have encountered in my life in which I have developed as much passion as I have for B-Company and everything we stand for. If I don't get Commander, which is still a possible possibility, I know I am going to be really upset. That's a good thing though, in my opinion. Why apply for something in which you will be apathetic for if you don't get it? Those that know me, know I am very unique. The way I lead, the way I motivate, the things I stand up for. Most don't understand, and it is very few that know me well enough to truly have my back. Those people are my buddies, and of course a few others. It's inspiring really, and makes the Corps well worth it. I just hate all the drama and politics. But, honestly, when will we ever get away from all that, whether we are in high school, college, or the work force. Gah. It sucks sometimes.

Besides the 'relaxing' that I claim to be doing at home, there have been some tough times during this short respite. My uncle has had a cousin that has been working in the area that has stayed over at the house a few times. I met him for the first time early last week, along with a friend who traveled with him. Well, last Wednesday they were traveling home to Kansas when they got in a serious car accident. Their work van hit an 18-Wheeler head on. The friend died on the scene, and my uncle's cousin is still in the hospital in a coma. They say every part of his brain is damaged. My aunt and uncle went to Kansas that afternoon, and left me in charge of the house, and all the kids. I know I am not ready to be parent. I felt like I was treating them like fish in the Corps. I only wish I could have smoked them. They came back Friday, so they weren't gone too long, but I know they are going through some tough times dealing with all of that. We're all praying and hoping for the best.

These past few weeks I have definitely been at the lowest point of my semester. All the Corps stuff I've been dealing with. The talking and politics, like I mentioned before, usually don't get to me, but they did. Made me think, made me question myself. Someone told me that the band director had said that the Commander of B-Company for next year would be from outside of B-Company. This is the main reason I was so hesitant in applying. I lost a little faith in myself, which is horrible to admit. Talking to my buddies, I realized how much a lot of them have faith in me, and made me a little more confident. I don't give a shit what the band director has to say. I am going to make the experience as worthwhile as possible for everyone in B-Co, and if that means breaking a few rules, (or a lot of rules), then so be it. We're gonna have fun, and we're going to do what we've always done. That's why we stand out. For some reason, I have been a lot more emotional too. This doesn't mean I break down and cry all of the time, (or any!), I just seem to be more thoughtful, more…not hesitant, but I think a lot about things. On my way home from College Station I made some mixed CD's to listen to. I bought a Neon because my other car broke down, and it has a 10 disk CD changer. Usually I just connect my iPod up, but I didn't have the connector thing. Anyway, a lot of the songs I was listening to brought up so many thoughts. Mainly love. In an overwhelming majority of my blogs I talk or mention love. Summer before college I met someone through Upward Bound. I still swear to this day that she is the person for me. We kept in touch through freshman year, and the soon after lost complete touch. The thing is that she was, and still is in a very serious relationship. Despite that obvious fact, we still had a goodbye kiss on the last day of Upward Bound, three summers ago. I will never forget the feeling I had after that kiss. Well about a week ago, she emailed me, talked a little bit about how she was doing, and told me to give her a call. It took me a few days but I did, and we talked a little bit. She is still with her boyfriend, which is upsetting. I know I could provide a lot more than he can for her. I know I could give her a better life. I think we would be happy. We were supposed to get together and have lunch or dinner sometime over this break, but then the other stuff came up with the family which prevented that from happening. I can't bring myself to tell her how I feel, only because she seems happy. For those of you that really know me, you know this is not like me to talk about anyone this way. It is rare that I come across someone like this. Actually it has only happened twice. I am not head over heels for her, mainly because I haven't seen her, talked to her, and after so much time I have lost that strong feeling, but it is definitely still there. I know it could develop to be something amazing given the opportunity. The other person is my "taboo" that I talk about in a few of my blogs. It was that relationship that should have never happened but did. It was that 'thing' that ended in the summer, but I have still not gotten over it. It's not to the point where it affects all of my actions and decisions, however all of my actions and decisions remind me of it. It seems that every song I listen to, I try to relate it somehow with my emotions about this relationship. It ended on very bad terms, and it is something that I have always said I would never forgive someone for, yet if faced with this person again, I think I would take them back, as much as I hate to say it. The crappy thing is that I see them all the time, practically on a daily basis when I am in College Station. We don't speak or even make eye contact, most of the time. We sort of spoke once about things, last month. I made the move, which was a mistake. Right now, with what is going on, and in the situation we are both in, it is not right for us to talk. I think talking would help provide closure on my part, yet the time is not right. I wasn't thinking, and they brought this to my attention. It was kind of a shot to the heart, but definitely true. What I don't understand is why, six months later, I am still not over it. I think about it all the time, more than I should. I never talk about it though. It seems irrelevant, and in the past, but I can't help it. I guess only time will tell.

On a happier note, I finally got my senior boots and my Aggie Ring! I got it on the day of the MEDALS conference, so I didn't have a very exciting Aggie Ring day, but Pedro made it well worth it. Pedro is also in MEDALS with me, and we both left during the conference to go pick my ring up. Well, we sort of stole the University van we were using for the conference to get there. We picked up some buddies at the dorm, (actually like 8 of them), then drove to the Association building where the rings were. Parking is not allowed there, but since we were in a University vehicle, it was okay. So we parked on the curb right outside of the building, and started looking for the end of the line. Well Pedro found the front, and I have no idea how, but he forced me in. All in all, I think it took me about 15 minutes to get my ring, in a line of hundreds of people. I felt like a VIP. It was a good time, quick, but I enjoyed having my buddies there. That night was also BQ Ball, the band formal, so we left the conference for that too. The dance was a lot of fun. They didn't seem to play a lot of music I liked but Megan, by Fish Camp partner, was my date, and Maggie, another girl from Fish Camp went with one of the fish from B Battery. We all hung out together and had a blast, I thought anyway. We got back to the dorm, and then had to go back to the hotels for the rest of the conference. The next day we went to the conference, and got back to the dorm. I was going to dunk my ring! We went out to one of my buddies places and I dunked it. Dunking your ring is an awesome Aggie tradition where you put your ring in a pitcher of your favorite beer and chug the pitcher, catching the ring in your teeth. It's a good time J Well, most people finish in less than three minutes. It took me 27 minutes! I am a little embarrassed to admit that, but I just didn't feel good. I'm not a big drinker anyway, and I kept throwing up, so it just didn't taste good. Whatever, I dunked it. I had planned to dunk it again over the summer with the rest of my friends after I had turned 21, but it looks like I'll be in California on my 21st birthday. I guess this is my public announcement, but I enlisted in the Marine Corps. This seems crazy, and like it was on a whim, but I swear it wasn't, completely anyway.

Explanation: Most of you know that the Marine Corps is something I've been considering since my senior year in high school (3 years now!!). Well I had a contract to be an officer going to college, but it didn't work out. Then I tried several times to pick up another contract, yet that never seemed to fall through for many reasons (I am underweight, my knee condition, etc.). I was to the point where I said that the Marine Corps was not going to be a part of my life. I looked at the Peace Corps, Teach for America, Grad School, and various other options for after graduation. It all seemed exciting, but there was still a void. A week ago yesterday I was in Decatur, a town near my hometown, just running some errands. I was close to the Marine recruiting station that recruited me the first time, so I decided to stop by ask some questions, and see what was new. I didn't realize some of the options I had with me being in school and all. To make a long story short, I filled out all the paperwork and went to Dallas that night to be medically processed. I took the Oath of Enlistment the next morning. I made weight by two pounds, and I didn't talk about my knee condition, but for one very important reason: to be a Marine. When I was driving home, I felt very complete, as if the void had been filled. What I am going to do is go to boot camp this summer. I will return to school in the fall as normal, and do my other training the next summer. Then I will go back to school if needed, and whenever I graduate, I will go do my Corps stuff. I am a Reservist, so even during the year I will be doing training one weekend a month. I won't have to quit school, and I won't get shipped off. More importantly, I will be living my dream. I will graduate Private First Class, and will be promoted to Lance Corporal very shortly afterward. With my college degree I will be very marketable, and I will get a view of the Marine Corps that a lot of officers don't have. To be an officer you never have to go to boot camp, which in my opinion does not make sense. A lot of enlisted men I have talked to say that it is very important for officer's to have had that experience. They don't respect them as much as they respect someone who has gone through the exact same things. It makes sense, and is another reason I am choosing to go the enlisted route. That, and the fact that the officer program won't take me right now. If I choose to be an officer now, I will have had the USMC enlisted experience, as well as my degree. I believe this is what I want to do, and it is a decision that has taken me three years. I am very excited about boot camp, and everything that that entails. It does have me making quick decisions and making some sacrifices. Boot camp is three months. If I am commander, it is very important that I be here for FOW which will be around August 10th. That means I have to leave before May 10 to make it back on time. More than likely I will not be here for Final Review, meaning I will miss walking for the first time in boots and my seniors pulling them. It's that or FOW, where I will meet my fish for the very first time. I have not told many people about this decision. I am scared that something will happen in regards to my knees that will prevent me from being able to go and perform this summer. Right now my ship date is May 27, but I am working on getting it moved up. When I was in Dallas I kept thinking about what if I got Commander, and what I would be missing doing the summer, and how much extra I would have to prepare during this spring. I felt like I had to make a quick decision about who my Executive Officer would be. This seems cocky, but I think I had the right intentions. This by no-means means that I think I will be C.O., it just means I am taking proper measure to make sure I do the best job that I can if I get it, and if I leave for the summer. I called that person from Dallas, talked to them about my decision and about how they would feel being X.O. They were excited, and definitely had my back about everything. I felt relieved, and I know they will do an awesome job. I've relied on them a lot this year too with everything I have been dealing with, and if anyone can do the job with the mindset I have, it's them. I won't ruin any surprises though J

To sum everything up, I AM excited about this upcoming semester, but I know it will be tough with even more obstacles to face. One of the sophomores will be taking my position in the Corps, and I have great faith in every one of them that applied. The freshmen are still the best in the band, and are developing very well. The juniors, my buddies, are still bad ass. The seniors need to get the hell out of here so '09 can be in charge! (Just kidding '08, but not really.) This blog is several days in the making, so let me know what you think! Also, to all my friends, those close to me, and those who I've grown apart from, I love you all, and please be safe this holiday season. Until next time, God Bless, thanks, and Gig 'Em!

Danny Hernandez '09

Proudest Member of the Fightin' Texas Aggie B-Company